24-03-2012, 08:08 AM
Hi, i'm new to this and i'm not really sure what i should be saying.... i guess starting with the truth will help!
i started playing online bingo around 2 years ago, at first it was just for fun and i enjoyed it, i'd put a tenner on every few weeks and that was enough for me.... until one day for some reason i clicked on the slots button BIG MISTAKE!!! before i knew it i'd spent my tenner so i put on another and then twenty and then more! i had a win and that made me happy, i withdrew it and felt pleased with myself.
the next day i done the same, and one note turned into another and i didnt win but i wasnt that bothered.
to cut a long story short i have become addicted to these slots, spending hundreds of pounds a week, my partner and i both work, we're not what i would say well off, but we have a decent enough life....well we did before i started playing slots!! i have hidden this addiction for around a year, spending every penny we have on online slots, nobody knew i was playing, i would lie to my partner about where the money had gone, he didnt govern the money, his a good man and just handed it all over and as long as he had a few quid in his pocket he never asked where the rest of our wages went!
I self excluded myself for around 2 weeks and didnt play, but it was so easy to open more accounts, using different sites..... things have really got out of control, we never have no money, i never treat my children or grandchildren, we never go out for nice meals, we cant meet friends for a social drink...the list is endless!! the guilt i feel has been a terrible weight on my shoulders but i just couldnt stop myself, even if i won a few hundred i would put it straight back on and play it!! in my mind i have tried to make justify my gambling, even though i know i'm only kidding myself!!
Yesterday i rang a good friend (who is also my boss) and broke down to him... it was so hard admitting i had a problem, i felt embarassed, stupid and so worthless! i asked him not to tell my partner, but he talked me round and said that although he would help me as much as he can i also needed the support of my family. My boss rang my partner (they are best mates) and explained what had happened, he told him to come home and talk with me.
i sat for an hour and panicked, i was expecting my partner to come home, pack his bags and leave...in this time i also rang my mum and admitted to her i had a problem. she was understanding and promised to support me in anyway she could.... my partner came home, he knocked on the door and i wanted to run out the back door, i was so scared, but he just walked in and hugged me and told me not to worry, we can sort everything out and it will all be ok in the end! we cant change the past, but we can make the future brighter 1 day at a time.
we sat down and sorted our finances, his cancelled all of my debit cards and will take charge of the money from now on, i'll have a minimal amount of money in my account to get bits and pieces and he will check my online account every few days to make sure i'm not gambling.
I dont know if this is a good way forward, so i would appriciate any advice, im going to a GA meeting next week.
one thing i will say is now i've come clean and no longer have to hide things...i feel so much better!! i've woke up this morning and i feel releif, i feel alive, and most of all i know im not gonna spend the day lying and hiding behind a laptop screen!!
its early days and i have a long journey ahead... but 1 day at a time from now on.
If anyone has any advice for me it would be greatly appriciated.
i started playing online bingo around 2 years ago, at first it was just for fun and i enjoyed it, i'd put a tenner on every few weeks and that was enough for me.... until one day for some reason i clicked on the slots button BIG MISTAKE!!! before i knew it i'd spent my tenner so i put on another and then twenty and then more! i had a win and that made me happy, i withdrew it and felt pleased with myself.
the next day i done the same, and one note turned into another and i didnt win but i wasnt that bothered.
to cut a long story short i have become addicted to these slots, spending hundreds of pounds a week, my partner and i both work, we're not what i would say well off, but we have a decent enough life....well we did before i started playing slots!! i have hidden this addiction for around a year, spending every penny we have on online slots, nobody knew i was playing, i would lie to my partner about where the money had gone, he didnt govern the money, his a good man and just handed it all over and as long as he had a few quid in his pocket he never asked where the rest of our wages went!
I self excluded myself for around 2 weeks and didnt play, but it was so easy to open more accounts, using different sites..... things have really got out of control, we never have no money, i never treat my children or grandchildren, we never go out for nice meals, we cant meet friends for a social drink...the list is endless!! the guilt i feel has been a terrible weight on my shoulders but i just couldnt stop myself, even if i won a few hundred i would put it straight back on and play it!! in my mind i have tried to make justify my gambling, even though i know i'm only kidding myself!!
Yesterday i rang a good friend (who is also my boss) and broke down to him... it was so hard admitting i had a problem, i felt embarassed, stupid and so worthless! i asked him not to tell my partner, but he talked me round and said that although he would help me as much as he can i also needed the support of my family. My boss rang my partner (they are best mates) and explained what had happened, he told him to come home and talk with me.
i sat for an hour and panicked, i was expecting my partner to come home, pack his bags and leave...in this time i also rang my mum and admitted to her i had a problem. she was understanding and promised to support me in anyway she could.... my partner came home, he knocked on the door and i wanted to run out the back door, i was so scared, but he just walked in and hugged me and told me not to worry, we can sort everything out and it will all be ok in the end! we cant change the past, but we can make the future brighter 1 day at a time.
we sat down and sorted our finances, his cancelled all of my debit cards and will take charge of the money from now on, i'll have a minimal amount of money in my account to get bits and pieces and he will check my online account every few days to make sure i'm not gambling.
I dont know if this is a good way forward, so i would appriciate any advice, im going to a GA meeting next week.
one thing i will say is now i've come clean and no longer have to hide things...i feel so much better!! i've woke up this morning and i feel releif, i feel alive, and most of all i know im not gonna spend the day lying and hiding behind a laptop screen!!
its early days and i have a long journey ahead... but 1 day at a time from now on.
If anyone has any advice for me it would be greatly appriciated.