01-01-2014, 04:21 PM
Thank you BigDave.
I will ask if anyone can give me a lift, it may well turn out that someone can at least get me to within a short walking distance of home.
You are right about not going near the online sites. I've lost count of the times I've told myself that I shouldn't have gone there, that if I'd stayed away I'd have been a lot of money better off. Once in there I quickly found myself chasing lost money and when I've occasionally won what I thought would be enough and banked it I've gone back and gambled it all away again - and more. I am realising that I was never going to win my way back to normal life and that the only way is to face this and its consequences, blaming no-one but myself. The only way back is to stop.
It's as destructive as any drug addiction and it's too easy to pay for the drug in a couple of clicks. I don't have to go out to get it either.
I have to deal with my debts wisely and properly. It is a long and hard road which I've tried to avoid and made far worse than need be. I'm resigned to this being the only way - I can't say I have any positive thoughts about this process other than at least this is realistic. My analogy would be that of someone who overeats more and more, is annoyed with themselves but continues because they think they'll manage and then one day they have a heart attack. Sometimes it takes a big shock to make a person stop. This is me.
There will be times in the future when I will be tempted - I'd be naive to think otherwise but also experience has taught me this because I tried to stop before (without help) and it didn't last. There was also that thought of 'maybe this time...'
My thinking on that is changing and I don't believe there will ever be a 'this time'. I've done too much damage already.
I can't do it alone but I will do it with support as some of you have shown by your own stories. Like the smoker or drinker who stops, I'll never be a non-gambler but I am determined to be an ex-gambler who knows I will have to be vigilant for the rest of my life.
It will be worth it.
I will ask if anyone can give me a lift, it may well turn out that someone can at least get me to within a short walking distance of home.
You are right about not going near the online sites. I've lost count of the times I've told myself that I shouldn't have gone there, that if I'd stayed away I'd have been a lot of money better off. Once in there I quickly found myself chasing lost money and when I've occasionally won what I thought would be enough and banked it I've gone back and gambled it all away again - and more. I am realising that I was never going to win my way back to normal life and that the only way is to face this and its consequences, blaming no-one but myself. The only way back is to stop.
It's as destructive as any drug addiction and it's too easy to pay for the drug in a couple of clicks. I don't have to go out to get it either.
I have to deal with my debts wisely and properly. It is a long and hard road which I've tried to avoid and made far worse than need be. I'm resigned to this being the only way - I can't say I have any positive thoughts about this process other than at least this is realistic. My analogy would be that of someone who overeats more and more, is annoyed with themselves but continues because they think they'll manage and then one day they have a heart attack. Sometimes it takes a big shock to make a person stop. This is me.
There will be times in the future when I will be tempted - I'd be naive to think otherwise but also experience has taught me this because I tried to stop before (without help) and it didn't last. There was also that thought of 'maybe this time...'
My thinking on that is changing and I don't believe there will ever be a 'this time'. I've done too much damage already.
I can't do it alone but I will do it with support as some of you have shown by your own stories. Like the smoker or drinker who stops, I'll never be a non-gambler but I am determined to be an ex-gambler who knows I will have to be vigilant for the rest of my life.
It will be worth it.