15-11-2014, 09:22 AM
Hi
I am a compulsive gambler and not gambled for 6 months. I have tried GA for 10 years on and off but this time I feel I am recovering as opposed to abstaining. I have tried to change the way I see and do things , tried to work the program and be determined to change. it's hard , and some aspects are harder than others.
Xmas has become a time of year I dread. In the past it has been a time where I have gambled heavily as an excuse to get extra money, also payday changes so I could access wages before all the debts and commitments are paid. January was always a month of threatening letters, repeated phone calls and regrets. None of which I currently have.
It was Xmas day 8 years ago my ex took the kids and left it wasn't that straight forward , but basically that was the official end of the marriage. Xmas day for the last few years has been a day on my own watching catch up tv and blocking out everything else.
I have a new partner now who wants me to do normal Xmas activities , I don't feel ready. I have explained it to her and she says she understands and its up to me.
Why do I feel this way
It is set in my ex taking my kids, having no money through gambling but also a feeling of self worth , not wanting people to be nice to me , buying me presents I haven't reciprocated.
I am trying to change these feelings and be a recovering gambler however it is still October and people are making plans for this special day ,meal which for me has totally negative feelings. I just don't want to consider this now but it is weighing heavy on my mind.
I have posted to write down my thoughts, to show how irrational this illness is, and demonstrate what a long slow process recovery can be
In strength and unity
I am a compulsive gambler and not gambled for 6 months. I have tried GA for 10 years on and off but this time I feel I am recovering as opposed to abstaining. I have tried to change the way I see and do things , tried to work the program and be determined to change. it's hard , and some aspects are harder than others.
Xmas has become a time of year I dread. In the past it has been a time where I have gambled heavily as an excuse to get extra money, also payday changes so I could access wages before all the debts and commitments are paid. January was always a month of threatening letters, repeated phone calls and regrets. None of which I currently have.
It was Xmas day 8 years ago my ex took the kids and left it wasn't that straight forward , but basically that was the official end of the marriage. Xmas day for the last few years has been a day on my own watching catch up tv and blocking out everything else.
I have a new partner now who wants me to do normal Xmas activities , I don't feel ready. I have explained it to her and she says she understands and its up to me.
Why do I feel this way
It is set in my ex taking my kids, having no money through gambling but also a feeling of self worth , not wanting people to be nice to me , buying me presents I haven't reciprocated.
I am trying to change these feelings and be a recovering gambler however it is still October and people are making plans for this special day ,meal which for me has totally negative feelings. I just don't want to consider this now but it is weighing heavy on my mind.
I have posted to write down my thoughts, to show how irrational this illness is, and demonstrate what a long slow process recovery can be
In strength and unity