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Help
#1
Hello, I have known my Son has a gambling problem for several months..we have cleared his debts and thought we were helping him  to get over his addiction. But , we have now found out that he is back in debt and has been lying to us and gambling again. I am. Not sure what to do next .  I will encourage him to attend a GA meeting , but can I go with him and should I make  a Doctors   Appt as well? He does accept that he has a major problem.  I feel helpless. Any  tips?
 Thanks
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#2
Hi Jacki       You are certainly right that your son has to get to a GA meeting. But the choice has to be his. GA will give him all the help that he needs and wants. Up to him whether he accepts it or not. In the meantime, you might want to consider Gamanon for yourself if its available to you. Gamanon is the companion program to GA and its for the family and friends of the compulsive gambler. There they learn how to deal with the illness and the the gambler. And very importantly, they learn how to protect themselves and the family from the disease. Be aware that not every GA meeting has a Gamanon meeting attached to it, SO CHECK FIRST! Gamanon meetings are usually held in the same venue as GA meetings but in different rooms. Do believe that there is also a Gamanon online meeting and there might even be a Gamanon chat room. Not sure about the last. But the f2f meetings are most important for him and for you as well. Lives change with the help of GA and Gamanon. Hope it all turns out well for your son and for you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        LewB-Woodbury Monday
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#3
(23-09-2015, 03:29 PM)LewB Wrote: Hi Jacki       You are certainly right that your son has to get to a GA meeting. But the choice has to be his. GA will give him all the help that he needs and wants. Up to him whether he accepts it or not. In the meantime, you might want to consider Gamanon for yourself if its available to you. Gamanon is the companion program to GA and its for the family and friends of the compulsive gambler. There they learn how to deal with the illness and the the gambler. And very importantly, they learn how to protect themselves and the family from the disease. Be aware that not every GA meeting has a Gamanon meeting attached to it, SO CHECK FIRST! Gamanon meetings are usually held in the same venue as GA meetings but in different rooms. Do believe that there is also a Gamanon online meeting and there might even be a Gamanon chat room. Not sure about the last. But the f2f meetings are most important for him and for you as well. Lives change with the help of GA and Gamanon. Hope it all turns out well for your son and for you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        LewB-Woodbury Monday
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#4
Any latest Jacki? Has your son been able to get to a meeting yet?
Have you been able to get any more support?
Smartie xx
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#5
(02-10-2015, 04:30 AM)smartie Wrote: Any latest Jacki?  Has your son been able to get to a meeting yet?
Have you been  able to get any more support?
Smartie xx

Hello, sorry this has taken so long to reply to.  We have been to his Doctor who has referred him for counselling - but which may take 10 weeks for an appointment!  He has been for alcohol use counselling and is now on meds to make him feel better. I am hoping that the next step will be to visit one of your meetings.....watch this space.  Thank you for your interest - appreciated.
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#6
Hi

I am Dave a compulsive Gambler.

For me the spiritual recovery is about healing from my past from conscious or from subconscious memories, exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

 
For me the spiritual recovery is a non religious.
 
For me spiritual recovery is all about me helping myself, no one can do my recovery for me.
 
For me the spiritual recovery is only obtainable by sharing me experiences with other people.
 
For me the spiritual recovery is about hearing therapies and seeing and feeling myself in other people, not only from who they use to be but more importantly learning how to become who they are today.
 
Even though we are linked by our sharing it does not mean because another person breaks out gambling I will do the same unhealthy action.
 
It was not possible for me to heal completely all the time I was causing myself pain, or escaping facing myself being in denial.
 
Beating our self calling our self names is in no way productive in our recovery.
 
Being hard on our self is a very unhealthy habit.
 
Just because I stopped gambling did not mean I became happy or content over night. That is for sure.
 
My thinking was that if I stopped gambling I would be happy, that if I paid all of my debts I would be happy, that if stopped being angry I would be happy.
 
I did not walk in to the spiritual recovery for myself, I did it for other people, it did not work that way for me.
 
Only when I went to meetings for myself did I get any benefit from it.
 
I became selfish I started to value myself, I stopped giving up faith or hope in myself.
 
I walked in to the spiritual recovery feeling filled with fear, scared of the telephone, scared of the post man delivering the post, scared of strangers coming to the front door.
 
Before recovery I was scared of rejection, I was scared of being abandoned, I was scared of failure, I was scared of being honest, I thought if you were honest it would be painful.
 
Before spiritual recovery I was immature, when Shirley married me I had an emotional age of about 8 – 10 year okld child.
 
The spiritual recovery was going help me be accountable to myself in every way possible.
Before spiritual recovery I was inept inadequate insecure I did not know what my needs wants or  goals were, in fact no one had talked about goals in my life, or if they had I certainly did not hear them talk about goals.
 
My life was emotionally unmanageable and I was emotionally vulnerable long before my first drink or first bet, I was emotionally vulnerable due to emotional abuse physical abuse, I had suffered bullying of different types at different stages of my life.  
 
Today I understand that bullying or bullies are cowards, they try and manipulate other people, bullies are often guilt trippers and try and use the past to control other people, it is all part of dysfunctional behaviors.
 
How do you learn nurturing and encouraging ways, I found that doing things for other people is not beneficial, it is important to show people how to do things for them self.
 
It takes longer to show people how to do things yet you get some reward seeing and feeling people succeed in becoming more confident.
 
It is not possible to buy confidence, no one can give it to you, it is important that people achieve success and confidence in their life by their own actions.
 
In sponsoring it is important for people to not give credit to other people, the sponsor should say I have helped you but the benefits of your success are our responsibility.
 
In sponsoring it is often mentioned in recovery programs that people should not sponsor the opposite sex, I do not agree with this statement.
 
It is important that when a person sponsor the opposite sex that if they have a married partner or a partner, that the  partner gives permission to spend time with a sponsor, some times it even helps that the sponsor should meet with their partner.
 
For me in sponsoring I feel it is important the sponsor should be anonymous, and that a person can have more than one sponsor.
 
If a person is being sponsored it is up to that person to ask as many people on making life time decisions.
 
In separating from a long time marriage or relationship if there is no risk of any kind of abuse that the person should find recovery before making long term relationship decisions.
 
I understand that I finished relationships with ladies when in fact I still loved them, by my action of breaking off relationships was due to me not feeling worthy of having a partner. And due to the guilt and shame I was feeling was being transferred to those people.
 
Today what is spiritual recovery given me that changed my life, well the spiritual recovery has helped me t love myself and then love other people.
 
The spiritual recovery helped me understand that I use to avoid being honest with myself and honest with other people, I have more courage today, I am less afraid today than another other time in the last 60 years.
 
I have a ambition to change even more, I have focus today, I understand my needs wants and goals today, I live in today rather than live in the guilt shame and pains of my past.
 
There is no doubt in my mind that I am a survivor today, I have recovered from physical abuse I reached appoint where I could not feel any more pain, you could have stuck a knife in me and I would have not felt it.
 
When I walked in to the spiritual recovery program, I was emotionally traumatized, I could acknowledge what my feelings were.
 
Over time not only would I be able to identify my feelings but would be able to articulate them in a very healthy non threatening way.
 
The spiritual recovery program has opened up more choices than I ever had before in my life.
 
By attending the spiritual recovery program I understand that I am more able to make healthy hard decisions in my life.
 
By attending the spiritual recovery program my belief system has changed, it has helped me set boundaries for myself and my well being and for other people.
 
By attending the spiritual recovery program my values have changed, the most important things and focus before recovery was money gambling and different ways of escaping responsibility and blaming the world for my failings.
 
The spiritual recovery program has helped me become more mature, to grow up and grow some, each time I went back to meetings after breaking out gambling was harder yet I was getting stronger even though I felt more vulnerable emotionally.
 
The spiritual recovery program helped me to learn that each time I broke out gambling to question what was the emotional trigger.
 
How do we learn to value money, is money on its own success.
 
What I did was when I went back to gambling I took the amount of money lost and divided it by my hourly rate at work, that told me how many hours days and weeks I had to work to get that money.
 
That if I took that money wasted what could I buy for myself and my family, over time it told me how many holidays I gave away, how many cars I gave away, how many houses I gave away.
 
I would like to think that I am completely emotionally detached from all feelings towards gambling establishments.
 
I do not hate them or love them, today they are just money making businesses.
I have over time met people that work for gambling establishments, I feel very sad for those people, the jobs they do fulfill their monetary needs, yet they have nothing to show for their time. I feel it is not fulfilling working for those establishments.
 
For me the recovery program is about healing from our past and to become the healthiest person we can be simply a day at a time.

For me the recovery program is a spiritual recovery program.

I am able make healthy choices today without escaping in fear in any way today.

By being able to show my gratitude it is an expression of my healthy changed values today.

How many spiritual people helped me during life of pain and torment I am not able to name them all.

Those spiritual people helped me overcome some very testing periods in my life.

Each time I said to myself who cares any way was the instant I was willing to give up all faith and hope in myself.

Impatience and intolerance is very much linked up the fact I had fully accepted the serenity prayer.

The spiritual recovery program is a guide and hand book to help me help myself live a healthier life today.

What are the changes in my life today by working the spiritual recovery program changed me from being a very angry person who reacted in pain fear and frustration.

The spiritual recovery program helped me understand that by being impatient and intolerant I was being hard impatient and intolerant with myself.

The spiritual recovery program helped me understand that there is no such thing as failure while working in the recovery program, each mistake on my part is a learning curve I learn from.

Nurturing and encouraging skills are learned from attending meetings and learning from other people new found healthy skills.

When I surrendered in my recovery I had become stronger.

Only once I understood each of my emotional triggers only then I would not escape or live in fear and become much healthier in my decision making skills.

I have placed my recovery more important than my family over 46 years of recovery.

It took me over 23 years to understand step one about my emotional triggers.

Over 46 years of recovery it has helped me to stop bullies who often try to bully people and manipulate people who are new to recovery.

I am not willing to push my recovery on to other people.

Time off does not make me an expert, reaching parrot fashion text not make me an expert, the more I admit my ignorance to myself the stronger I become.

How inept am I today, could I have been a electronic engineer without being in the spiritual recovery program.

Could I have been a medical engineer without being in the spiritual recovery program.

Love and peace to everyone 

Dave of Beckenham
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