starting again

[Rovit]

Hi my name is ...... I'm a compulsive gambler.
I have said those words many times over the last 10 years as I have attended ga periodically never managing more than 9 months of abstinence.  My time over the past 2 years  since March 2014 has changed remarkably. My lapses are less damaging and shorter in duration before I put my pride and emembarrassment behind me and return to the rooms to start again. 
I used to read the forum regularly and even think myself wise enough to offer my opinion to others. I have recently reread what I wrote then 18 months ago and can no longer see myself as that person who wrote in sincerity of how I felt back then.
My head is confused I can not reconcile that I wrote those responses. This illness of ours is so insidious that it changes gradually , unnoticeable to your consciousness till you return to gambling ways. 
I have so much respect for those on long periods of recovery and those like myself who are unable to resist the urges from within but keep returning in the hope of succeeding.
I have written this for no other reason than to express my thoughts . To get it out of my head in the hope of finding some clarity to find a path to recovery.

[Rovit]

Thanks all
The road a head can be two fold I can abstain be miserable and no doubt return to the demon or embrace my recovery accept who I am and try to be my personal higher power .a better human being. I am just finding that difficult to get my head around and search out that extra bit that will help maintain my positive outlook.

[Rovit]

Thanks for the advice. There was a discussion at the meeting the other evening about making amends if it doesn't harm others . I'm even more confused now. It's something I really don't want to do and can't really see what she would gain from it .or is that just an excuse