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My name is Simmo
#21
Thanks Mick, the power of sharing things is not to be underestimated. So much of my life has been lived with thoughts going round and round. I almost got to that point of taking my own life and it's certainly not a pleasant place to be. Talking about it helps process the thoughts and takes the power away from them.

One day at a time, one battle at a time :-)

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#22
I think I have just had one of the best weekends since starting my journey in recovery. It wasn't that we had to go anywhere special, it was TIME spent with family and friends. I felt present, I was there to look after the kids more than I have in a long time, there was fun and laughter with the kids in the garden and a family meal on Sunday.

Working the 12 step program helps clear the mind, especially of long seated resentments. I'm still working through step 4, however just by putting stuff down on paper and helped to stop them all spinning around my head.

Time is one of the most precious commodities, and it's something that only goes one way. Money can go up and down, but time just keeps going. I can't get the time back that I lost whilst gambling, but I be sure to keep working on my life long journey in recovery so that I can maximise the valuable time I have available to me to make memories with my family.

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#23
The thing I find the hardest is dealing with the ups and downs with depression. Some days are great, some days are awful, the thing that I know for sure, is that gambling to try and make myself "feel" better is NOT the answer. I tried that delusional approach for many years with disastrous results every time.

Gamblers anonymous is more than just about stopping gambling, it's also about getting to know one another and sharing our lives and experiences with each other. It becomes clearer that the longer I've not gambled, the day to day life is what we deal with, and helping each other through day to day life helps keep us from turning back to gambling. There were so many times that I would gamble to avoid the smallest of dramas in my life, I now share these troubles in a meeting and I don't gamble.

So many people come to GA and stop coming after a couple of months, many who go back to gambling. Whilst I wish everyone who suffers to be well, I can only be there for the people that want to help themselves. I have made the decision to keep going to GA, as I know from experience that stopping going to GA leads to me gambling again.

One day at a time, I will keep working the 12 step program and keep improving my life.
Every day that I don't gamble is a great day, even when depression tells me otherwise.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#24
My recovery is going well, in the 16 months so far, I see far too many people dropping away from GA, only to see them a few months later after going back to gambling. It's a simple program and it works if you work at it. I've learnt the hard way, by not going to GA, I go back to gambling. When I was gambling, I would spend at least 10 hours a week gambling, if not 10 hours every day, so 2 hours a week to go to a meeting is totally achievable.

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
Reply
#25
Recovery is more than just not gambling. The more I work through the steps, I realise that it's about letting go of self will and especially self-pity. Letting a higher power into your life, a god of your own understanding. I pray every morning, don't know who to, but I get on my knees and pray for a gamble free day and offer myself to gods will. Doing just that is a massive thing for me, as my ego is streaming out to me that "there is no god" but I carry on regardless. My self will when it's come to gambling has not done me well, and the more I let god in, the easier the recovery process is becoming.

Just for today I will not gamble
One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
Reply
#26
(02-08-2017, 08:11 PM)Claridge78 Wrote: Hi my name is chris i have recently owned up to my wife that i have gambled away x over the last 9 months,i suffer with depression and anxiety and find comfort with online fruit machines my wife has been brilliant but im struggling i feel ashamed ive let people down and ive lied and stole money to feed my addiction ive told people ive been mugged to hide the fact ive spent my weeks wages in ten minute i feel on top off the world when i play these machine but down and depressed when ive finished i dont gamble on any over things just fruit machines i no i need help but i feel anxious about attending meetings cheers thanx for ur time chris

Hey Chris,

You are not alone, far from it. If gambling is causing a problem in your life, then the gambling needs to be addressed. It's all about choice, you can choose to continue to gamble, if you want to. You can choose to go to a meeting and meet like minded people who have a common goal, to stop gambling and help each other do just that. The choice is yours, you can tackle this problem if you want to. It's perfectly natural to feel anxious about going somewhere you've never been before, but please don't let that stop you from going.

Your experience will be shared by most if not all in the meeting. The help is there and going to meetings is the start of getting that help. I too was anxious at first, once at the meeting and you hear the therapies of other compulsive gambler, things will start to make sense.

One day at a time
Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
Reply
#27
I am looking forward to receiving my 1 year recognition on Thursday, it's a little strange though, as I'm closer to 2 years now than 1, but who am I to grumble at something I can't change. Having got to 18 months, I am starting to feel a real shift in my thinking and going through the steps is helping with that massively. I've recently had a family crisis to deal with, and there was a lot of emotion involved. the old my whilst gambling would have acted on impulse and not really thought of the consequences of my actions. The contrast to how I dealt with the situation in recovery is huge. Every step of the way I remained calm, even when I was extremely angry about the whole situation.

PAUSE --> THINK --> RESPOND

I used to just REACT... reaction on emotion doesn't normally result in a good outcome. By pausing and thinking about it, I'm engaging my intellect. As a result there has been no family feuds resulting in the crisis and I know for a fact there would have been whilst I was gambling. I would have caused more chaos.

Today I pray for those that have harmed us, resentment is not something I can allow to lead my daily thoughts, as resentment often leads to relapse.

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
Reply
#28
Working through my step 4 inventory and wondering why I didn't work on it sooner. The simple answer is fear, fear of what I was replaying from the past.

STEP 4 - MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL AND FINANCIAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES

Fearless is the key word, now I have started writing it down, it's only what's been playing over and over in my head for years, why not address it?

I am now working on it 30 minutes a day until complete, little and often. Just do it, one day at a time.
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#29
Good thing about the step program is its a continuing process and it can be a real positive when working on it with a sponsor...

Keep up the honest work

Smartie xx
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#30
About time I posted an update.

Since my last post, I have managed to clear my debt management plan, thanks to bank of mum and dad, I was able to negotiate with all of my creditors a full and final settlement ranging from 25% to 60% of the remaining balance. Luckily the 2 biggest loans and credit cards were 25%. this has vastly reduced the amount of debt I have, still have a pretty significant amount that I owe my mum and dad, however I'm now looking at a debt free date of 2023 rather than the original 2033.

Since I have stopped gambling, I have been able to deal with the abuse that I endured as a teenager, something that has been a real thorn in my side for so many years. It wasn't an easy process, however I've reached acceptance in that area of my life and I'm now freed from those shackles.

I'm actively working the 12 steps with my sponsor, it's taking longer than both he and I would like, but I am a serial procrastinator. one defect in character (sloth) that I will be ready to have removed from my life.

I'm a member on a number of facebook groups re gambling and I've noticed a significant reluctance from a lot of people about going to meetings. Going to meetings is the top of my priorities, as without the meetings, in time, I know I'd go back to my old ways, and that's something I'm not willing to risk. My life is getting better, much more manageable, and it's all down to having a program.

I pray at least once a day, I've managed to find a higher power, don't understand it, but I found it by praying every day as was suggested to me. As a serial over-thinker, it was a difficult step to take, but if you don't try you'll never know.

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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