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My name is Simmo
#31
Simmo,

This journal is inspirational. A lot of what you write makes perfect sense to me, and whilst new to these forums and early in my journey of sobriety I will take a lot of strength from your achievements.

Thanks for sharing, I hope oneday that I am able to help others in the way the the GA fellowship has already started to help me.

I'm also very lucky in the bank of mum & dad are coming to my rescue and will allow me to clear my credit card debts. That small act alone means I can re-assess my job, lower my wage demands and live a far simpler and happier life.

I've not yet started steps in any formal capacity, and I look forward to beginning as through your writing it seems almost as powerful a tool in helping understanding and aiding recovery as going to the meetings themselves.

Cheers again, keep posting.
Well done, keen inspiring the rest of us Smile
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#32
(18-01-2018, 10:31 PM)StrengthToStop Wrote: Simmo,

This journal is inspirational. A lot of what you write makes perfect sense to me, and whilst new to these forums and early in my journey of sobriety I will take a lot of strength from your achievements.

Thanks for sharing, I hope oneday that I am able to help others in the way the the GA fellowship has already started to help me.

I'm also very lucky in the bank of mum & dad are coming to my rescue and will allow me to clear my credit card debts. That small act alone means I can re-assess my job, lower my wage demands and live a far simpler and happier life.

I've not yet started steps in any formal capacity, and I look forward to beginning as through your writing it seems almost as powerful a tool in helping understanding and aiding recovery as going to the meetings themselves.

Cheers again, keep posting.
Well done, keen inspiring the rest of us Smile

Thanks StrengthToStop, 

It gives me a great feeling that by sharing my recovery is inspiring others.  It really does make such a difference to help others, I still have thoughts about gambling, and where I would used to seek help for myself to get over these thoughts, I now reach out to newcomers to see how I can be of service to them.  Ringing another member to ask how they are doing takes me out of my own head, and the thoughts of gambling soon dissipate.  

I've very soon to go though step 5 with my sponsor, and I'm looking forward to moving forward.  It's been nearly 2 years in recovery and lots of procrastination to get to this point, but I've had someone ask me to sponsor them, and I can't do it properly until I have been through all 12, so it's given me a well needed kick up the backside to get them finished. 

Living this day as this day alone, one day at a time.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#33
feeling quite good today, the feeling that tomorrow will mark 2 years in recovery, and that as I look back over the last 2 years I can actually remember and reflect on most of what has happened in that time. The years preceding recovery are somewhat a blur. Life still happened in that time, but I was a passenger in a rollercoaster of emotions and turmoil. I often peek back at the past and wonder how on earth I managed it for so long, so many years in denial that I had a problem and continuing to drive my life into the ground.

Today, I stand tall, proud to be in recovery, proud to be able to help others recover, proud to live my life honestly and above board, the stress that living a lie caused me was massive.

I believe the most important characteristic in recovery is honesty, being honest with myself, my sponsor, the GA fellowship, my loved ones. Once I got everything out in the open, which was difficult at the time, life has been so much simpler. A simple question that I often ask myself throughout each day is "can I have an open conversation with my loved ones about what I am about to do?" If the answer is no, then it's something to talk about to my sponsor and question my motives.

Recovery does take effort, and it was something I had to get my head around early on, that this time around, I had to work at it and continue to work at it, as it's all too easy to fall back into old ways if working on recovery stops. I've seen and helped many people who have relapsed and it's not something that happens over night, it normally precedes a period of time when focus on recovery and doing what is suggested slips out of daily routine.

Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#34
(14-03-2018, 05:25 PM)Andybown1987 Wrote: Just read threw your post and i think your amazing simmo. I wish you all the best.

I'm just a normal person mate, caught up in compulsive gambling for most of my life, who has finally seen that there is a better way to live life.  

Have a good meeting tonight.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#35
I went through and did my step 5 with my sponsor on Saturday. I'm amazed at how it has made me feel. I feel like all the things that have bothered me for a lot of my life have suddenly become insignificant, and the true realisation that I had become very egotistic whilst in addiction. What is made me realise is that most of my life I have been blinkered by "SELF". Most of my actions were based around my desires, and it's given me a real insight to plough onto steps 8 and 9 to make amends to the people that my selfish ways have hurt.

I STRONGLY recommend to anyone working at recovery to get a sponsor and work through the steps together. It's very powerful stuff.

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#36
I often take time to ponder my thoughts these days, and one that keeps popping up for me is what is keeping me from gambling when things aren't all rosy in my life. Gambling was the go to thing for me when things were bad, the instant escape from my emotions, thoughts and feelings. Being in recovery for over 2 years, there have been some ups and downs, things that normal life throw up. So what's different now that I don't reach for my default coping mechanism? The answer is actually quite simple now I'm not in the throws of addiction. I deal with whatever it is with the 'adult' part of the brain, no reacting on emotions, as this would always result is disastrous consequences. STOP - THINK - RESPOND is key to this approach. When I feel low, I ask why am I feeling this way, then put into action something that is going to change the outcome of how I feel in a positive way. Simple things like going for a walk, going to the gym, speaking about it with my sponsor.

I'm meeting with my sponsor today to go through step 8 and start putting the inventory together so I can then move onto making amends. This is the step my wife has been patiently waiting for for over 2 years, and I'm looking forward to it. Putting things into action, it's only through action that change occurs, I can think about doing stuff over and over, you know the usual overthinking, but until I do something, it's just thoughts going round and round the 'washing machine'.

I start every day reading the GA book 'a day at a time' and pray to my higher power for a gamble free day. I call another addict to ask how their day is going. I call my sponsor twice a week and meet up occasionally. I use the GA toolkit app (small fee to unlock all features) which includes daily inventory (step10) and gratitude list. Gratitude list, 10 things that I am grateful for every day really does put life into perspective, especially when I may be experiencing a wave of 'poor me' self-pity.

The most important part of recovery is getting to meetings, and continuing to go to meetings. The more I go, the less it is about what I can get out of the meeting but more about what can I do to be of service to those at the meetings. What experience can I share that will help newcomers, and in doing that reminding myself of the very reason I am in the rooms in the first place.

Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#37
(10-04-2018, 12:55 PM)Simmo Wrote: The most important part of recovery is getting to meetings, and continuing to go to meetings. The more I go, the less it is about what I can get out of the meeting but more about what can I do to be of service to those at the meetings. What experience can I share that will help newcomers, and in doing that reminding myself of the very reason I am in the rooms in the first place.

Nice post Simmo...recovery is very much a living breathing entity for me and not one i should be taking lightly....

GA does offer an amazing array of tools and its positive you are using many and adding in ones from outside to enhance your recovery....

The interesting thing for me is I didn't just gamble when i was down...I often gambled when i was having a great day and what could be better than improving it with a bet? Well a lot of things, but this illness can be very devious and it doesn't always conform to set patterns.

Why its important that as a fellowship GA tries to offer as many of the tools in each and every meeting and it shouldn't depend which group you turn up at...

anyway, keep up the recovery one day at a time....

Smartie xx
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#38
Another 15th of the month signifies another month without gambling. So that's 2 years and 1 month now. I'm under no illusion that I am cured, or fixed, as I'm as close to a bet as the next person. I think it's important to take stock of the time accrued since the last bet, but it's certainly not the only thing. I have to take every day as it comes, and do what I can to make sure I do not fall back into the gates of hell. As long as I stick to the program, keep going to meetings, I know that I will be OK, I have faith in GA and the recovery program, as I see for myself the many people that have got clean and sober and gamble free by working the 12 steps in many different fellowships. It's working for me, and it will work for anyone who is willing to put the work in to recover.

Just for today, I will not gamble

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#39
Many facets of my life are certainly improving as a result of not gambling and working through the recovery program. I've been suffering with elevated anxiety levels relating to work mainly and it's getting pretty bad some days. It reminds me that when I suffered from anxiety in the past (which I didn't realise that was the problem at the time) I would gamble to escape from the feelings. So on the surface I looked as if I was coping with life but it was all a facade, this was a delusional coping mechanism and was in the long run making the anxiety and depression deeper and more frequent, pushing me to breakdown and very nearly suicide.

So, what do I do now to deal with the anxiety? Exercise is a big part of it, regular exercise is helping me to release the tension that builds up due to anxiety. The most important part is talking about how I am feeling, not hiding it. Hiding my feelings has had detrimental results for most of my life, I know it says in the just for today page in the orange book about not showing that my feelings are hurt, but this is the only thing that I disagree with in the book. There is a difference however to talking about my feelings and bouts of 'poor me' self-pity episodes, that I work through by doing gratitude lists, I have so much for to be grateful for in my life, it puts the poor me thoughts into perspective pretty quickly.

Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#40
So another 15th of the month has passed, which means another month in recovery. 2 years and 2 months. No matter how much recovery I have, I still take it one day at a time, and those days add up, into weeks, into months, into years.

Just for today I will not gamble.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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