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Simmo's Journal
#31
I am looking forward to receiving my 1 year recognition on Thursday, it's a little strange though, as I'm closer to 2 years now than 1, but who am I to grumble at something I can't change. Having got to 18 months, I am starting to feel a real shift in my thinking and going through the steps is helping with that massively. I've recently had a family crisis to deal with, and there was a lot of emotion involved. the old my whilst gambling would have acted on impulse and not really thought of the consequences of my actions. The contrast to how I dealt with the situation in recovery is huge. Every step of the way I remained calm, even when I was extremely angry about the whole situation.

PAUSE --> THINK --> RESPOND

I used to just REACT... reaction on emotion doesn't normally result in a good outcome. By pausing and thinking about it, I'm engaging my intellect. As a result there has been no family feuds resulting in the crisis and I know for a fact there would have been whilst I was gambling. I would have caused more chaos.

Today I pray for those that have harmed us, resentment is not something I can allow to lead my daily thoughts, as resentment often leads to relapse.

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#32
Working through my step 4 inventory and wondering why I didn't work on it sooner. The simple answer is fear, fear of what I was replaying from the past.

STEP 4 - MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL AND FINANCIAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES

Fearless is the key word, now I have started writing it down, it's only what's been playing over and over in my head for years, why not address it?

I am now working on it 30 minutes a day until complete, little and often. Just do it, one day at a time.
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#33
Good thing about the step program is its a continuing process and it can be a real positive when working on it with a sponsor...

Keep up the honest work

Smartie xx
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#34
About time I posted an update.

Since my last post, I have managed to clear my debt management plan, thanks to bank of mum and dad, I was able to negotiate with all of my creditors a full and final settlement ranging from 25% to 60% of the remaining balance. Luckily the 2 biggest loans and credit cards were 25%. this has vastly reduced the amount of debt I have, still have a pretty significant amount that I owe my mum and dad, however I'm now looking at a debt free date of 2023 rather than the original 2033.

Since I have stopped gambling, I have been able to deal with the abuse that I endured as a teenager, something that has been a real thorn in my side for so many years. It wasn't an easy process, however I've reached acceptance in that area of my life and I'm now freed from those shackles.

I'm actively working the 12 steps with my sponsor, it's taking longer than both he and I would like, but I am a serial procrastinator. one defect in character (sloth) that I will be ready to have removed from my life.

I'm a member on a number of facebook groups re gambling and I've noticed a significant reluctance from a lot of people about going to meetings. Going to meetings is the top of my priorities, as without the meetings, in time, I know I'd go back to my old ways, and that's something I'm not willing to risk. My life is getting better, much more manageable, and it's all down to having a program.

I pray at least once a day, I've managed to find a higher power, don't understand it, but I found it by praying every day as was suggested to me. As a serial over-thinker, it was a difficult step to take, but if you don't try you'll never know.

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#35
Simmo,

This journal is inspirational. A lot of what you write makes perfect sense to me, and whilst new to these forums and early in my journey of sobriety I will take a lot of strength from your achievements.

Thanks for sharing, I hope oneday that I am able to help others in the way the the GA fellowship has already started to help me.

I'm also very lucky in the bank of mum & dad are coming to my rescue and will allow me to clear my credit card debts. That small act alone means I can re-assess my job, lower my wage demands and live a far simpler and happier life.

I've not yet started steps in any formal capacity, and I look forward to beginning as through your writing it seems almost as powerful a tool in helping understanding and aiding recovery as going to the meetings themselves.

Cheers again, keep posting.
Well done, keen inspiring the rest of us Smile
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#36
(18-01-2018, 10:31 PM)StrengthToStop Wrote: Simmo,

This journal is inspirational. A lot of what you write makes perfect sense to me, and whilst new to these forums and early in my journey of sobriety I will take a lot of strength from your achievements.

Thanks for sharing, I hope oneday that I am able to help others in the way the the GA fellowship has already started to help me.

I'm also very lucky in the bank of mum & dad are coming to my rescue and will allow me to clear my credit card debts. That small act alone means I can re-assess my job, lower my wage demands and live a far simpler and happier life.

I've not yet started steps in any formal capacity, and I look forward to beginning as through your writing it seems almost as powerful a tool in helping understanding and aiding recovery as going to the meetings themselves.

Cheers again, keep posting.
Well done, keen inspiring the rest of us Smile

Thanks StrengthToStop, 

It gives me a great feeling that by sharing my recovery is inspiring others.  It really does make such a difference to help others, I still have thoughts about gambling, and where I would used to seek help for myself to get over these thoughts, I now reach out to newcomers to see how I can be of service to them.  Ringing another member to ask how they are doing takes me out of my own head, and the thoughts of gambling soon dissipate.  

I've very soon to go though step 5 with my sponsor, and I'm looking forward to moving forward.  It's been nearly 2 years in recovery and lots of procrastination to get to this point, but I've had someone ask me to sponsor them, and I can't do it properly until I have been through all 12, so it's given me a well needed kick up the backside to get them finished. 

Living this day as this day alone, one day at a time.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#37
feeling quite good today, the feeling that tomorrow will mark 2 years in recovery, and that as I look back over the last 2 years I can actually remember and reflect on most of what has happened in that time. The years preceding recovery are somewhat a blur. Life still happened in that time, but I was a passenger in a rollercoaster of emotions and turmoil. I often peek back at the past and wonder how on earth I managed it for so long, so many years in denial that I had a problem and continuing to drive my life into the ground.

Today, I stand tall, proud to be in recovery, proud to be able to help others recover, proud to live my life honestly and above board, the stress that living a lie caused me was massive.

I believe the most important characteristic in recovery is honesty, being honest with myself, my sponsor, the GA fellowship, my loved ones. Once I got everything out in the open, which was difficult at the time, life has been so much simpler. A simple question that I often ask myself throughout each day is "can I have an open conversation with my loved ones about what I am about to do?" If the answer is no, then it's something to talk about to my sponsor and question my motives.

Recovery does take effort, and it was something I had to get my head around early on, that this time around, I had to work at it and continue to work at it, as it's all too easy to fall back into old ways if working on recovery stops. I've seen and helped many people who have relapsed and it's not something that happens over night, it normally precedes a period of time when focus on recovery and doing what is suggested slips out of daily routine.

Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#38
Just read threw your post and i think your amazing simmo. I wish you all the best.
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#39
(14-03-2018, 05:25 PM)Andybown1987 Wrote: Just read threw your post and i think your amazing simmo. I wish you all the best.

I'm just a normal person mate, caught up in compulsive gambling for most of my life, who has finally seen that there is a better way to live life.  

Have a good meeting tonight.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#40
I went through and did my step 5 with my sponsor on Saturday. I'm amazed at how it has made me feel. I feel like all the things that have bothered me for a lot of my life have suddenly become insignificant, and the true realisation that I had become very egotistic whilst in addiction. What is made me realise is that most of my life I have been blinkered by "SELF". Most of my actions were based around my desires, and it's given me a real insight to plough onto steps 8 and 9 to make amends to the people that my selfish ways have hurt.

I STRONGLY recommend to anyone working at recovery to get a sponsor and work through the steps together. It's very powerful stuff.

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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