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My name is Simmo
#19
Addiction is a crafty thing to deal with. I'm working the GA program, I have a sponsor that I call every day, I'm going through the steps, I pray every day, I go to meetings. Every now an then I have thoughts of gambling again.

Do I consider doing it? Sometimes, and that scares me. I know where it would take me and I am so much happier living life in recovery, do I want to go back to where I was or even worse? Absolutely NOT.

Yes, I still have thoughts about gambling, as in the beginning it was fun, addiction is progressive, similar to someone who enjoyed a glass of wine after work and ended up drinking a bottle of vodka a day. Addiction has a tendency to try and block out the bad times, in an attempt to lure you back in. Just for today I will not gamble! Addiction, you will not get me today!

Today I do not give these thoughts the power that they are seeking, i am a recovering gambler, someone that chooses not to gamble and to live life with GA intertwined.

Over the last 15 months, these thoughts have been there, but they are getting fewer. I expect them to always be there, and it's a reminder why I must keep going to GA, as if I stop, the thoughts may gain power and lure me back to a place I do not want to be.

One day at a time

Simmo

I had my first of 12 counselling sessions yesterday, and as expected it has floored me with massive resentments and anger. Those emotions coupled with time and money in the past led me to gambling to numb the pain. I now have the realisation that gambling did not make the feelings go away, it just suppressed them only to come back again later with greater strength.

I am so grateful to have GA in my life, as I find myself able to process emotions with a clear head, and I now have the tools to help me stay off of gambling even at times when I feel that I want to escape from the pain in my head. A saying that I've heard that has stuck with me is that "you need to feel to heal".

I have spent years suppressing emotions and feelings, and only now at the age of 38 am I starting to learn how to feel them. Things may be tough, but gambling will make them tougher. It's time to start feeling the emotions and process them without running away from them.

Just for today I will not gamble.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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Messages In This Thread
My name is Simmo - by Simmo - 08-11-2016, 01:04 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by smartie - 08-11-2016, 01:21 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 09-11-2016, 02:28 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by smartie - 10-11-2016, 12:50 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 10-11-2016, 08:37 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 17-11-2016, 01:50 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by smartie - 17-11-2016, 03:07 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 21-11-2016, 03:19 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 14-12-2016, 09:47 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 03-01-2017, 10:54 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 23-01-2017, 05:02 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 22-02-2017, 10:45 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 24-03-2017, 11:05 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 07-04-2017, 02:56 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 06-05-2017, 11:04 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 16-06-2017, 12:33 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 30-06-2017, 05:35 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by smartie - 01-07-2017, 02:51 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 05-07-2017, 01:11 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 05-07-2017, 10:10 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 05-07-2017, 03:48 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 10-07-2017, 04:00 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 17-07-2017, 05:14 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 01-08-2017, 03:12 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 02-08-2017, 01:04 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 03-08-2017, 11:02 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 26-09-2017, 10:06 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 01-11-2017, 02:04 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by smartie - 30-11-2017, 12:41 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 18-01-2018, 03:11 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by StrengthToStop - 18-01-2018, 10:31 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 20-02-2018, 07:26 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 14-03-2018, 02:11 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 22-03-2018, 08:58 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 10-04-2018, 12:55 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by smartie - 10-04-2018, 03:46 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 16-04-2018, 11:28 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 25-04-2018, 10:44 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 18-05-2018, 02:07 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by MickyK68 - 19-05-2018, 07:44 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 24-05-2018, 09:49 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by StrengthToStop - 30-05-2018, 09:47 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 31-05-2018, 11:17 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 01-06-2018, 01:44 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 11-06-2018, 02:41 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 14-06-2018, 11:55 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 29-06-2018, 09:41 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by MickyK68 - 30-06-2018, 07:41 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Chris_b - 30-06-2018, 03:04 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 09-07-2018, 09:45 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 24-07-2018, 02:15 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by StrengthToStop - 24-07-2018, 06:24 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 30-08-2018, 02:56 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by StrengthToStop - 02-09-2018, 08:26 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 03-09-2018, 10:14 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 13-09-2018, 10:26 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by smartie - 13-09-2018, 04:31 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by StrengthToStop - 13-09-2018, 09:27 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 26-10-2018, 08:45 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 08-12-2018, 02:16 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by StrengthToStop - 30-12-2018, 09:27 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by shoebox - 15-01-2019, 04:11 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 30-04-2019, 03:38 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by StrengthToStop - 20-06-2019, 06:42 AM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 19-07-2019, 02:45 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 23-07-2019, 04:59 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by LewB - 23-07-2019, 08:14 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by smartie - 27-07-2019, 01:06 PM
RE: Simmo's Journal - by Simmo - 30-07-2019, 01:17 PM
RE: My name is Simmo - by Simmo - 03-09-2019, 12:45 PM
RE: My name is Simmo - by Simmo - 26-09-2019, 11:28 AM
RE: My name is Simmo - by Simmo - 20-12-2019, 04:19 PM
RE: My name is Simmo - by LewB - 20-12-2019, 05:21 PM
RE: My name is Simmo - by Simmo - 21-12-2019, 02:52 PM
RE: My name is Simmo - by smartie - 23-12-2019, 12:24 PM
RE: My name is Simmo - by Simmo - 31-12-2019, 11:04 PM
RE: My name is Simmo - by Simmo - 16-01-2020, 02:07 PM
RE: My name is Simmo - by StrengthToStop - 20-05-2020, 02:33 PM

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