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My recovery starts now

I have accumulated a total of £xx in debts in a span of 1 year and 3 months. I work in a bank and has always been good with managing finances until I played/learned matchbetting. It was a good thing until I have lost track and control of myself. 

I have lied, coverup and completely made a fool of myself on this whole process. Sadly there is no such thing as a time machine.

I have told my partner yesterday about my gambling addiction. I broke his heart but he is positive that we could get over this problem. I am blessed to have him - all these fears I have built up all this time by not telling him was a mistake on my part. The more procrastination and the mindset that you could recover this alone is not true. 

It was a breath of fresh air that i told him but at the same time i felt sadness and humiliation. He doesn't deserve to be lied to and to be a part of the mess i have made. 

Although I feel like a child at the moment, as he will gradually take over almost everything from my phone access, bank access, laptop access I believe that he is my light to this dark tunnel i have created.

I felt like i wanted to vanish but this is not the solution. I fell a victim on this and crippled my common sense but it shouldn't define me. I have never done anything very very bad to other people, i just feed of a slot machine or sports bet to waste time and money.

There was a point when i lost money and i didn't feel any emotional attachment anymore, which is wrong in all ways. As i lost the value of hard earned money. 

Now, I am keen in recovering from this and completely get rid of gambling in my veins and my brain. I feel like i need to re-wire and have a new heart as mine has been corrupted.

I have now closed/self excluded myself from these websites and still fighting my own demons of temptation.

I feel good, but its going to be a long long way to go. I am glad i have someone i could lean on but at the same time I am hoping that he will be always there for me and not disappoint him and myself again. My beautiful family is my source of strength to recover and with God's grace i will endure and move forward from now on.
Hey thanks for sharing...

You considering attending GA? If so maybe check out where your nearest GA meeting is....

Any other questions share back....

All the best, Smartie xx
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...


I have not attended any meeting with GA as of yet due to the time and how far it is from home + 3 kids ageing 4,2 and 9months. I will highly likely just end up finding a counselor nearby or whatsoever. Would be great to attend but a lot of isssie having to go with all 3 kids who should be sleeping by that time. We dont have family around us either as they are all abroad. Anyway, i will just post here one at a time.

I am aiming to earn £xx daily to cope up with the monthly debts i need to pay. I am struggling to find a part time job to cover up these installments and pay in earlier to avoid additiy fees.

Today, i feel great as i have self excluded on most of my 72 gambling accounts. I made the necessary withrawal requests.
I have not gambled today either.
I gave my partner all the financial access and will be closing my gambling bank account this week.
Today has been fun. My family and I went out to walk and saw some fireworks for the bonfire night.

But, what i do realise is that whenever i see scores of football matches that has 4.5 goals or more - it gives me that tick to think about what i have been doing. Not necessarily the urge to gamble but the sense in scooping that a team made a goal feeling.

I am also wondering what repurcussion it has if you declared that you are a gambling addict through gamcare etc.,?
- does your future employer know?
-will it affect yiu future mortgage/loan/ financing application in the future?
-will it affect your visa / sponsoring application?
-will it affect your credit rating?
Being a compulsive gambler and admitting so through gamcare has no link to any financial organisation, visa or sponsorship, or any official party. Gambling isn't illegal. For a compulsive gambler though the damage has normally been done. You may have loans you cant repay or payday loans that keep your credit rating down if you can't repay in time.
You have to find a group though. What ever excuses you made when you gambled, don't allow them to affect your recovery. Find a way. Yes you might have three kids but you have a partner who can surely look after them for a couple of hours. I hear all the time people say they would do anything to stop and then say but I can't do the one thing that will make life easier! I might come over as hard on you but find a way to overcome any obstacle. Yes, counsellors can help, but there is nothing better than a group of people who share a common problem and understand you completely.
Oh, and don't watch football or the results shows. Give yourself some time away from the things that might trigger you. There will always be another football match when you feel strong enough to enjoy the match for what it is rather than a betting medium.
I have tried to attend for the past few weeks in a GA meeting but due to unforeseen events that are not in my control i am left to return back home instead. No buses at those times, unreliable transportation. I dont drive or have a car. I will attempt again maybe next week, but its frustrating to have it so far from where the City centre is.

Anyway, ill ill again next week.

I logged in on my %% account and requested to be self excluded and refund me my active bets on the account. They didn't acknowledge my request to get the money back, just point blank self excluded me without addressing my other concern. How could i request to get that money back? The bets are for outright winners.

I felt anger having to sign in again on a gambling website and felt that tiny demon whispering in my ear that i could place a bet if i wanted to and ''maybe' just win it. I am proud of myself not betting and having that urge to gamble for almost a month now.

I guess i have substituted studying and looking for a career change as a distraction and objective instead.

I just wish that i never fell on this pointless thing in my life, but then its been done. One can only move on forward.
Accounthasbeentaken a month is a good start, well done. Could you try to get to one meeting and then see if anyone else is going near you. You'd be surprised the number of people who would be willing to help with lifts. I have been given lifts and also given lifts myself.
As regards the bets and money outstanding, personally I would write them off and move on with your life, but if you feel a need, try phoning instead of going online.
I agree, try to get to a meeting if you can, you wont regret it. Its amazing the 'euphoric' feeling you can get after you talk openly about your experiences in a room, plus all walks of life go to GA meetings nowadays with the way gambling has evolved. Still think a month is a great achievement though.

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