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I just found out my boyfriend is a gambling addict
#1
Yesterday evening I was throwing a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I'm 27 years old, he's 30 and we have been together for a year. His brother, who attended the party, decided to use this celebration as an intervention. For the past year my boyfriend has not been in touch with his mother saying that he is constantly lending her money for the mortgage, she's had multiple affairs, she lies and cheats, and he's just tired of the drama that she has brought into his life. At this surprise intervention, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time in which I learnt my boyfriend is gambling addict. That in reality, he has never given her money and it has been her giving him money to pay off gambling debt. To the point where her boyfriend lent my boyfriend £xx to repay money he took so he wouldn't go to jail. My boyfriend has lied to me since the day we started dating and if this intervention hadn't happen I don't think he would have ever told me the truth. Through the past year of our relationship he has lost multiple pay checks, one saying he gave to his mother, another to his father, and a few the bank messed up his pay deposits when really it was all gambled away. I always felt like there was something wrong but I never imagined in a million years that it would be this. He now owes my £xx, on top of the £xx he still owes his mother's boyfriend. My credit scores has been affected trying to help him, I'm behind in my bills, I just feel like my life is falling apart. The man I've been dating for the past year is not the man I thought he was. Yes, when things have been good I thought that he was the love of my life, I wanted to marry him and have children with him. Now I'm just crushed and at a complete loss at what to do. I do understand that being a gambling addict is a disease and if he seeks help things can get under control. But at this point I'm not sure if this is the life I want to live. To be worrying about whether or not he will drain my savings, wipe out everything I've worked for, to be constantly worrying about him relapsing. Part of me wants to be there for him and help him be the man I know he can be. He says he wants to fix this, he says he wants to get help. I just don't know. I'm so overwhelmed. These past 24 hours have been a lot to take in.
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#2
Hello

Have you looked into a Gamanon meeting? They are for family and friends of compulsive gamblers. You can find more information on the website at http://gamanon.org.uk/

I am a compulsive gambler that was in action for 16 years. I had to hit my own rock bottom before I got meaningful help with a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. In the meeting I found experience, strength and hope from the other recovering members.

My life has turned 360 for the better, I have a daily programme which I make a genuine effort to keep to, I have taken responsibly for my actions and finances, and I spend a lot of my free time trying to help other compulsive gamblers that are still suffering, and making an effort to be a decent member of society.

I would say to you is there a genuine desire for your partner to stop their gambling and get what ever help they need to get better from one of the most baffling, insidious compulsive addictions? That will be a very important question going forward for yourself.

Everyone has the right to be happy.

In Unity
Martin
My name is Martin, I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was 29.9.2017. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
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#3
It's terrible when you find you've been living a lie but he obviously needs help.
I can't comment if he loves you or you love him, but he has an illness, that although you can support him, you can't make him stop.
Make sure he knows about meetings but look after yourself. You can get advice from Gamanon but for a quick bit of advice, look after yourself. Don't lend him money, don't give him access to money and if you can listen to him explain without judging him that will help him unburden himself.
There is life with a compulsive gambler but it takes effort and work on his part. Good luck.
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