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Today do I understand that my addiction is not fun, it is risk taking and painful
#1
Hi

Before my recovery I use to think that I loved gambling and that life was boring.

When I read step one my life was unmanageable I thought it was because of my gambling and the lack of money.

I am a non religious person and by me being the recovery program would help me understand that my addiction my obsessions were a form of escape, it was also a form of self abuse, to work for hours weeks months years decades and give all my money to compete strangers while I and my family went with out our needs wants and our hope.

The money was just the fuel for my addiction.

That money on its own was never going to give me emotional resolve.

I questioned if a non religious person could become healthy, I was told that the recovery program would help me help myself become healthy and healed.

It required me to dedicate time and energy in to my recovery.

Often people will swap one addiction for another addiction or for an obsession.

By just abstaining on its own only did not work for me.

The recovery program would not me gambling.

The recovery program would not work if I did not do the work in the recovery program.

The recovery program is only a manual if all I do is read text and not do the work in my recovery I was only going to cheat myself.

The gambling establishments did not make me do any thing I did not want to do.

The gambling establishments did not lie to my family and cause them pain, I did.

The ideal situation is to be completely emotionally detached from all forms of gambling.

To not hate them, to not fear them, to see that the gambling establishments is just another business for making money.

For some people the gambling establishments is just a little bit of entertainment, win or lose they just walk away.

Had I not had an addiction I doubt I would have a wasted life being unhealthy and not knowing it.

The recovery program made me aware of how unhealthy I was, the recovery program was not going to fix me.

The recovery program helped me understand that I was a very unhealthy vulnerable person who use to escape from people life and situations I could not cope with.

That my anger as due to my pains not healed.

That my anger as due to my fears not  faced.

That my anger as due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, and when things did not go my way and because of my unreasonable expectations I caused pains over and over again.

In my child hood I suffered many pains, and for each pain caused on to me fears grew in me that I did not understand.

When I walked in to the recovery program I was emotionally traumatized.

I could not articulate my feelings and my emotions, I buried and suppressed my feelings and my emotions, yet I was emotionally traumatized long before my addictions and obsessions.

My addictions and obsessions were just an indicator of how emotionally vulnerable I was.

The recovery program helped me become healthy and mature in myself.

I use to angry all of the time, not is hard to remember when I was last angry.

How much do I value myself today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave of Beckenham

AKA Dave L
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