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New to GA
#11
(02-09-2019, 06:57 PM)LewB Wrote: Hello again Amy   You obviously need help and support asap. So like Smartie said above and I said in my original post to you, why not try out Gamanon? Everything to gain and nothing to lose. Gamanon exists to help and support people just like you. How can Gamanon help you, you ask? Well, whatever story you tell them, guaranteed that they have heard it before and they know what actions to take that are in the best interests of you and the children. You see, experience is a great teacher. Wish you and the children all the best.   Lew B-Woodbury Monday Night

Thank you both.

I do need the extra support as I feel like I’m out of control 
and waiting everyday for another revelation which is an awful way to exist.
 Putting on a happy hat for the kids each day it’s like been on stage, then u sit and
 it hits u smack in the face and u realise it’s real. 

Thank you 
I’ll keep you posted (fingers crossed eh)
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#12
Hi Amy,

Is your husband using the forum too? All money I spend is tracked and fully accountable to my wife, I'm over 3 years in recovery and I used to hold resentment over the control, but let's face it, most if not all compulsive gamblers have a proven track record that money management when not gambling is good, as soon as one bet is placed, all logic goes out of the window and the lies begin. I'm happy that my money is fully accountable to my wife, it's part of the blocks in place between me and placing that first bet. I've self excluded from all sites, registered with gamstop.co.uk, blocked gambling transactions on Monzo (other banks are available) etc etc.

I do not want to gamble any more, I no longer fight against the blocks in place but then again, I was very irritable and fought them all the time in my first year of recovery.

Wishing you all well

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#13
Hi Simmo,
can I ask what is Gamstop and monzo? He attends GA. he phoned his usual places with me there that he used to use on line and asked them to block him. The thing is I’m on this forum to escape and get advice I’m hesitant to tell him about it as he will read my distress and worried it cause another argument which it would !
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#14
(03-09-2019, 05:18 PM)Amy Wrote: Hi Simmo,
can I ask what is Gamstop and monzo? He attends GA. he phoned his usual places with me there that he used to use on line and asked them to block him. The thing is I’m on this forum to escape and get advice I’m hesitant to tell him about it as he will read my distress and worried it cause another argument which it would !

Hi Amy,

Gamstop is an exclusion service that includes most of the online providers in the UK.
Monzo is a bank account that you can block transactions that are gambling related and also there's a 2-3 day cooling off period to turn in off.
The distress is real, and sometimes brutal honesty is required, however nobody knows your own situation better than you. There is a posibility that he will find the forum himself, something to bear in mind. I needed to hear the distress from my wife to understand what damage I had caused.

Wishing you well

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#15
You normally have to self exclude yourself online, but there are so many other avenues available that my colleagues who use gamstop have found it really useful. In the past they would self exclude from the few accounts that they have, because we all had multiple accounts, not just one, but with gamstop it stops all online activity.
There is also a scheme called MOSES, multi operator self exclusion scheme, designed to help people ban themselves from bookmakers for up to a year at a time. I was told there was a website but I can't seem to find that. There is a telephone number, 0800 294 2060, and he should be able to ban himself on there too, putting more blocks in place. I'm led to believe you can select the area you are barred from, so make it as wide as possible. Hope this helps, and hope he finds the help in GA.
Stay strong, just remember, it's not you.
How do I stop gambling?

Honesty.
Open-minded.
Willingness.


Chris.
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#16
After a very upsetting five months of discovering my husband is a sever gambler  he has relapsed. 
I have two children and we have been through a very emotional summer holiday , he has gone missing, been angry and blamed me. We have been together 15 years , 12 yrs married. I had control on the bank, money asked receipts. Thought we
had turned a corner . Apparently not. Went home at lunch which I never do, he was caught gambling his work credit card which I would he would never do as that was his sanity his escape where no one knew anything about his problem. He accused me as being the reason because I had stopped his access to his money. I’m destroyed as a person, wife dnd mum. He went missing for a day and now a at his mums. I need to keep strong and think of my children now. I will try and get support for my husband as he is still in denial which now has cost his family, a loving family and lovely life where money wasn’t a problem. We had it all and more, that’s why I don’t understand why he has thrown away a marriage, children and home and a comfortable lifestyle. Thieves addiction takes  a hold so quick and soo fast it’s frightening.  If you are in the same position do everything you can but they have to eventually do it for themselves. I’m struggling to adjust to be on my own which scares me soooo much. I’m going to keep people around me I trust. I’m frightened but you have to be strong don’t you
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#17
(05-09-2019, 02:46 PM)Chris_b Wrote: You normally have to self exclude yourself online, but there are so many other avenues available that my colleagues who use gamstop have found it really useful. In the past they would self exclude from the few accounts that they have, because we all had multiple accounts, not just one, but with gamstop it stops all online activity.
There is also a scheme called MOSES, multi operator self exclusion scheme, designed to help people ban themselves from bookmakers for up to a year at a time. I was told there was a website but I can't seem to find that. There is a telephone number, 0800 294 2060, and he should be able to ban himself on there too, putting more blocks in place. I'm led to believe you can select the area you are barred from, so make it as wide as possible. Hope this helps, and hope he finds the help in GA.
Stay strong, just remember, it's not you.

Thank you for the advice. I unfortunately my husband relapsed last week. He was caught getting a PayPoint receipt, I have spoke to shop staff and it was a regular trick which I missed. He has now left the family home and living with his mum. I’m anxious as I was the only apparently keeping an eye on him and now he has his mum who doesn’t know the extent of his problem. I’m in control of the bank account still and give him £xxx a week to live on. Just worried he’s spending that on gambling but I have to realise I can’t control him now he’s left. I cannot believe he has chosen gambling over a 16 year relationship, marriage and children. 

I’m taking each day one at a time and focusing on my heartbroken children who don’t understand why their daddy did this.
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#18
Hi Amy Sorry about your current situation but until your husband decides what is important in his life there will not be much that you can do for him. But there is a lot that you can do for yourself and the children. As has been mentioned in the past, check out your local Gamanon meeting if you have not done so yet. You will get loads of help and support in Gamanon. After all, your situation is not unique and the people in the Gamanon room has heard it and dealt with it before. Experience is a great teacher. Wish you and the children the best. LewB-Woodbury Monday Night
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#19
Amy I'm sorry to hear what has happened. As has been mentioned, Gam-anon can be of help to you to protect yourself from the harm that can come with a compulsive gambler. If you don't have any luck online, I would suggest going to your local GA meeting, regardless of your husband going there or not, and see if there is a Gam-anon group there or if one of the members has a partner who could help you.
Please ask away if there is anything you need advice on.
Chris.
How do I stop gambling?

Honesty.
Open-minded.
Willingness.


Chris.
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#20
(03-10-2019, 04:39 PM)Chris_b Wrote: Amy I'm sorry to hear what has happened. As has been mentioned, Gam-anon can be of help to you to protect yourself from the harm that can come with a compulsive gambler. If you don't have any luck online, I would suggest going to your local GA meeting, regardless of your husband going there or not, and see if there is a Gam-anon group there or if one of the members has a partner who could help you.
Please ask away if there is anything you need advice on.
Chris.

Thank you both for your support.
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