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Is being emotional vulnerable mean you are weak
#1
Hi

On walking in to the recovery program I did not know or feel that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I did not understand that I was burying and suppressing my feelings and my emotions.

I honestly thought that if I stopped gambling got back my money I would be happy and have emotional resolve.

That  for me was not true.

The gambling and my obsessions only indicated that I was escaping people life and situations.

From my perspective did I thin and feel that my addictions controlled me. Yes for sure.

Because of may forms of trauma in my life caused fears to grow in me that I did not understand.

With each lie came fear, the person I feared facing the most was myself.

On walking in to the recovery program I was not weak, I was a survivor yet did nto understand how vulnerable I was.

I had for sure been a victim of many cruel things in my life.

Even knowing what it felt like to be a victim I could not let go of my past.

In being an addict I would adversely affect other people.

I thought that by paying money back would repair damaged relationships.

I thought that by saying sorry would some how repair damaged relationships.

Money and gifts were used as an expression of love in my life and in my child hood.

What I wanted and needed as a child was to feel nurtured loved protected affection and emotional intimacy.

That was not going to happen and it had nothing to do about me.

If I wanted to feel love I needed to love myself first of all.

Only when I respected myself could I respect other people.

Only when I  was patient and tolerant with myself could I patient and tolerant with other people.

My impatient and intolerant behavior meant I was hard on myself.

I was for sure emotionally vulnerable and it would take healing of my inner child for me to live a life of inner peace and contentment.

For this to happen I needed to recognize and heal my hurt inner child.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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#2
Well written Dave
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#3
Thanks for putting this together Dave, I resonate with so many aspects, especially avoidance. Without being in recovery, to be vulnerable, I felt very scared, however in recovery, being able to be vulnerable is paradoxically powerful.

For me to be vulnerable now, it includes being self aware, knowing the problem and most importantly knowing that with help I can overcome or learn to manage ithe problem and move forward.

I've learned to be vulnerable in my home meeting, together WE help each other, so we can all be vulnerable, powerful and responsive is a balanced healthy fashion.

Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#4
(01-09-2019, 11:03 AM)Spring Wrote: Well written Dave

Hi
Thank you for the compliment.
Regards
Dave
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#5
Hi

Yes avoidance and deviation indicated how vulnerable I was and how much fear inhibited me.

I felt very scared and use to hide my vulnerability from people.

Being self aware is empowering to us.

Awareness was very much affected by the emotional trauma I was still living in the meeting.

The therapy meetings help me relate to other people so that I could come out of myself more and more.

Just for today I will not gamble, just for today I will invest more time and effort in to my healing and my recovery.

Thank you


Dave L
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#6
(03-09-2019, 03:09 PM)Simmo Wrote: Thanks for putting this together Dave, I resonate with so many aspects, especially avoidance.  Without being in recovery, to be vulnerable, I felt very scared, however in recovery, being able to be vulnerable is paradoxically powerful.  

For me to be vulnerable now, it includes being self aware, knowing the problem and most importantly knowing that with help I can overcome or learn to manage ithe problem and move forward.  

I've learned to be vulnerable in my home meeting,  together WE help each other, so we can all be vulnerable, powerful and responsive is a balanced healthy fashion.

Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time

Simmo

Hi

It took time to admit to myself that I was emotionally vulnerable.

In time I admitted to myself the lists of my fears.

As my fears reduced my trust grew.

For me to admit to myself I am vulnerable was a sign of my inner strength.

Communicating myself became easier.

Coming out of my emotional trauma I became more aware of myself.

Once we heal the pains of our past our pains become our strength today.

In my experience if a meetings opens up with a few healthy therapies that is the trend of the meeting.

As I get to know myself more I find meetings that fit my needs my wants and my goals.

As I heal I tend to interact in healthy ways with people rather than react in unhealthy ways.

I no longer have to dump on to other people in unhealthy ways. 

Only once I stop escaping and deviating in my fears, once I stop deviating procrastinating, I become more motivated in healthy ways. 

Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time.

Just for today I will become healthier and healed in many more ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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