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Abstaining from unhealthy habits means I am able to heal my inner child

I am a non religious person yet now understand how unhealthy I was before my recovery.

Abstaining from unhealthy habits means I am able to stop hurting myself.

The addictions the obsessions and unhealthy habits were hard for me to change.

Yet by abstaining only I was white knuckling my recovery.

Once I was able to abstain only then could I get motivated.

I know one thing for sure if I can do it any one can.

I left school with no qualifications what so ever.

Due to painful in my child hood I was not able to learn or absorb information or understanding.

On walking in the the recovery program I did not know what my emotional triggers were.

I did not know how emotionally vulnerable I was.

I found reading text was very boring.

It was only when I was able to relate to other people experiences that I saw myself in other people.

Only once I was committed to my recovery writings things down, writings down my lists of my needs my wants and even started to set goals.

The word dysfunctional was often mentioned but I did not understand to what depth I was dysfunctional. 

By my abstaining I was to get motivated in healthy ways.

I use to think that being angry was healthy, that is was normal.

Every unhealthy reaction I had was an indicator of how unhealthy I was.

Money was never going to give me emotional resolve or healing.

I wanted to blame every one and every thing for my failings.

Unhealthy reactions for me were anger, due to my pains not healed, due to my fears not faced, due to my unreasonable expectations of life people and situations.

Unhealthy reactions for me were impatience intolerance, these indicated I was hard on myself.

Unhealthy reactions for me were jealousy, hatred, resentments, jealousy, boredom, fear of emotional intimacy, fear of being honest, fear of being accountable, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of being myself, fear of being emotionally vulnerable, fear of humiliation, fear of public speaking, fear of being hurt, fear of being alone.

I do know that my conscience is spiritually based.

Yet I am a non religious person.

For me the reference normal is not very healthy.

I have been in recovery since 1969, that is over 49 years.

Yet I am only 26 years clean of gambling.

How could it take me so long to take my recovery seriously.

By going to do talks at a recovery center I am hoping that we can save people from hurting them self any more.

Recovery is about healing, yet how can we heal if we do not admit to our self that we are in pain or have been in pain in the past.

There is no doubt in my mind that I was a victim.

Knowing how painful that was being a victim, I then became a perpetrator hurting myself and other people.

Recovery is a very serious issue, if I had not taken my recovery seriously I may have taken my own life.

I had tried to take my own life in my teen age years.

I had even blanked that memory out completely.

So today what is most important in my life.

Relationships and time.

Every thing else is second place.

I can hug my son, I can tell my son how much I love him, I can trust my son unconditionally.

I know for sure he is healthier than I was at his age now.

The recovery program helps those people who want to get healthy.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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