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How many fears did I have and could I become more productive
The recovery program was going to help me gain faith and hope in myself.
I could not do it on my own, that did not work.
The only commitment I was asked of was to give it 90 days.
Could I say that feeling positive is me gaining faith and hope in myself.
The gambling did not control me.
The simple fact each time I escaped to gambling I got weaker and weaker and more vulnerable.
Sadly each lie I lived or told caused me more fears in me.
In time I would write my fears down.
Fear of being honest, fear of emotional intimacy, fear of failing, fear of success, fear of rejection and abandonment, fear of being myself, fear of the opposite sex, fear of the post, fear of the telephone ringing, fear of humiliation, fear of celebration, fear of not fitting in, fear of even trying some thing new.
Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
It was important to not understand understand each of my emotional triggers but how to over come my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.
The choice is mine today how much more productive can I be today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L 
AKA Dave of Beckeham

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