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I no longer want to hurt myself or other people today by being unhealthy today
#1
Hi
The addiction and obsessions were a way me of escaping how I felt.
When I walked in to I was emotionally traumatized and found it impossible to understand my feelings and my emotions.
By abstaining from unhealthy habits I was able to stop causing myself pain anxiety and stress.
The addiction and obsessions were a form of self abuse.
I would work hard for my money and then gave it away to complete strangers while I and my family went with out.
The bigger the risk the bigger the buzz.
I did not respect myself, I did not respect money or other people.
The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached from gambling.
For gambling to mean nothing to me what so ever.
The recovery would help me understand that was healthy and what was unhealthy 
To escape my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits .
I did not understand that living in fear was unhealthy.
I am a non religious person yet I do embrace spiritual values and strengthen my conscience being healthy.
Being in the recovery program I would write down my needs my wants and my goals.
I would become more and more focused on today.
I would make healthier choices and rather than react in unhealthy ways I would learn to interact with people.
By admitting to myself my emotional triggers I was able to do some thing about my emotional vulnerability.
I learn from my past and no longer live in the past.
The person I was on day one walking in to the recovery is not who I am today. 
I could not buy being successful with money.
I could not love myself or respect myself when I walked in to the recovery. 
My anger and my emotional vulnerability were indicators that my hurt inner child was not healed.
Being in recovery I am more motivated in healthy ways, I am more productive, I am to give of myself unconditionally today.
And more importantly I am no longer the hurt victim, I no longer want to be a perpetrator, and I no longer want to be a rescuer.
By my healthy actions and my healthy words I am able to feel proud of myself as to how I am today.
Only once I was able to love myself could I love other people.
Only once I was able to respect myself could I respect other people.
Only once I was able to be honest with myself could I be honest other people.
The person I feared facing the most was myself.
When I walked in to the recovery I did not fully understand how unhealthy I was.
Today the choices I make are not always the best, yet I am a willing student who is willing to change towards being healthy and complete.
Only when I went to meetings for myself could I make changes to my life and my thinking.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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