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I did not know how unhealthy I was being in action having addictions and obsessions.
#1
Hi

I did not know how unhealthy I was being in action and having addictions.

I tend to think that having addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was escaping people life and situations.

In  walking in to the recovery program that I was hurting other people yet did not think that I was hurting myself all that much.

I  have moved from using the words like wrong right good bad for me I am thinking more about being healthy or unhealthy.

I use to think that I wanted normal in my life, yet today when I see and feel people who are supposedly normal I found some normal people to not be so healthy.

I am a non religious person yet today I embrace healthy spiritual values and healthy spiritual interactions.

Each time I went back to my addictions and my obsessions I was learning some thing from them.

I found that in my recovery that I had certain emotional triggers which would cause me to escape.

My emotional triggers would cause em to want to escape deviate facing people life and situations.

The saying that honesty was the best policy was a very confusing statement.

In my childhood days when ever I was honest I was punished, hence I learned to live in fear of being honest.

I also learned to live in fear of being myself because I feared rejection and abandonment from a very early age.

Fear would cause me to go against my own conscience deceive and be dishonest.

I use to think that by paying back money would undo the pains deceptions and betrayal I caused people.

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary to say that I no longer want to hurt myself or other people today.

As my commitment gets healthier, as my motives gets healthier, I am able to achieve much more healthier thing with my time.

I use to dread Mondays, I use to wish my week away because I did not enjoy going to work.

These days I wake up early in the mornings and look forward to my challenges each day.

I embrace life not fear it today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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