Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Abstaining from unhealthy habits I am able to learn healthy habits
#1
Hi

In my time in the recovery program has helped understand that when I try to justify my actions and my words it indicates that I am being unhealthy.
Deep down I knew that my unhealthy actions and my unhealthy words were not only adversely affecting me but also adversely affecting other people.
I used to justify smoking, yet it was just another form of self abuse.
If I only spent x on smoking per day, that was over X per year.
If I only spent x on gambling per day, that was over X per year.
If I only spent x on alcohol per day, that was over X per year.
Those three unhealthy habits cost me over XX per year.
Over twenty years those three unhealthy habits cost me over XXXX pounds.
Yet that is not even considering the long term damage to my body and my health and to my family.
Why would I escape to some thing which causes me pain.
I found that my fears and my emotional vulnerability would cause me to escape people life and situations I could not cope with.
Yet each time I escaped people life and situations I made thing much worse.
The deeper I got involved with my addictions and obsessions the high levels of fear caused me to go in to panic mode where I was not able to think things out clearly.
No matter what logic or dvice I heard it did not stop me from running in my fears.
The gambling addiction was very much based up on the adrenaline rush.
I am was a non religious person could I find a healthy life.
I felt so useless and worthless how could I gain confidence in myself.
Being involved with the gambling addiction was an ongoing loss of communication with myself and other people.
I could not be honest with myself, hence I could not be honest with people close to me.
The more fears that grew in my life I could not over come my fears of emotional intimacy.
The pains of my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
The growing fears caused me to want to escape people and being honest.
The gambling addiction was causing me more fears and grater pains.
On walking in to the recovery program I could not or would not be able to articulate my feelings and my emotions.
Yet in time by attending meetings my fears would reduce.
As my fears reduced my trust grew slowly at first and over time I would no longer want or need to talk about gambling or money lost.
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me from living in every day fears.
I would recognize that I had control issues, that I was inadequate insecure immature, unhealed, that I had lost all faith and hope in myself.
I did not respect myself or money, that I did not care about myself, I thought the only way I could feel successful in myself was by having easy money.
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me understand that in time by becoming healthy and motivated I would become proud of myself.
No more guilt shame or regret, no more living in fear, no more procrastinating, no more lies, just being myself, no more person plesing, no more the victim, no more the perpetrator, no more the rescuer.
I would move from having unhealthy reactions to people life and situations, instead I would interact with people life and situations.  
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me understand that in time I could make healthier choices.
The healthy people in the recovery program were almost like mountain climbers showing and demonstrating me to make safer decisions, to think before I react in unhealthy ways.
By attending meetings I would move from being a dysfunctional person to becoming a healthy person.
By peeling back the onion I would over time expose my suppressed hurt inner child.
I have been in recovery over 50 years, since 1969, why attend meetings today, do I fear gambling, no not at all, do I hate gambling, no not at all, for me gambling would be an unhealthy choice.
I attend meetings today because I know how much more healthy I can become, I know how much more productive I can become, I know how important my interactions with people are today.
The longer I remain in the recovery program and do the work the more rewards I can achieve.
For me it is not possible to buy confidence with money, for me it is not possible to buy pride with money.
I do not need to give money or gifts to express my love or feelings towards other people today.
I use to fear computers, that has changed today.
I use to fear emotional intimacy, that has changed today.
I use to fear the opposite sex, that has changed today.
I use to fear being alone, that has changed today.
I use to fear being myself, that has changed today.
Once our fears are faced there is no end to what we can achieve each day.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)