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Being in the recovery program would help me see that I was like a rat in a wheel sad
#1
Hi
By walking in to the recovery program I did not understand my addictions and obsessions.

I did not understand my emotional triggers were, when I felt pain fears frustrated vulnerable stressed out and wanted to escape people life and situations.

For me  my addictions and obsessions the longer I remained consumed by them the lss likely I was going to heal my hurt inner child.

For me the recovery program is anon religious thing.

Being in the recovery program would make me aware that by going to my addictions and my obsessions I made thing much worse.

By me going to my addictions and my obsessions I would causing myself and other people more pain to myself and more suffering.
For each one hundred and fifty dollars I lost gambling I was in effect going to work for nothing and giving my hard earned money to complete strangers.

Being in the recovery program would help me see that I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.

By me going to the addictions and obsessions I was giving up all faith and hope in myself.

Did I stop from day one, sadly no, did I understand what healthy recovery was all about, sadly no.

When people directed their words you have to do this, you have to do that I felt threatened by such control issues.

My control issues were fear based, my control issues were fear based, my control issues indicated how insecure and inadequate I was with in myself.
In time healthy people in healthy meeting explained no matter when your last bet we want to to keep going to the meeting.
If you have no money please keep going to the meetings, if you do not want to talk, please keep going to the meetings.
For me the recovery program is a healing process, recovery was about exchanging one unhealthy habit at a time to a healthy habit one day a a time.
The recovery program helps me make healthy choices one day at a time.
My impatience and intolerance indicated that I was hard on myself.
My impatience and intolerance indicated that I had not completely accept the serenity prayer in my life.
Courage to change the things I can, over coming procrastinating, overcoming my fears, understand that I am not able to change other people, yet can change my unhealthy reactions to unhealthy people.
For me the recovery program is not about me being bad or good, is not about me being right or wrong.
For me the recovery program is about becoming healthy healed mature and to no longer hurt myself or other people.
How often did I hear the same text time and time again and not get it.
How often did I hear an in depth therapy time and time again and not get it.
Then one day the penny drops and I get, they call it the light bulb moment.
What inhibited me from hearing healthy advice.
What inhibited me from seeing and feeling myself in other people.
The more work I do in my recovery today helps my pace of recovery become steady and stable. 
How selfish am I willing to me in my recovery.
No more putting off using the telephone list.
Part of my recovery is overcoming my fears of emotional intimacy.
My goal today is not to hurt myself or other people.
My goal today is to be the most productive self sufficient person I can be today.
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
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