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A person quoted that he was glad that he was a compulsive Gambler

When a person quoted that he was glad that he was a compulsive Gambler I thought he must be nuts.
Today I understand that the person understood that by being an addict he did not know how unhealthy he was.
That with out attending the recovery program he would never understood how unhealthy he was.
That the recovery program would help me become a healthier person each day.
That by me attending the recovery program I was able to abstain from many unhealthy habits, but only one at a time.
I did not know or understand that the recovery program would work for any person who was willing and able to invest much time and effort in to them self.
I would learn that the addictions and obsessions were a form of escape for em from people life and situations I did not think that I could cope with.
For me to understand that the addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
Could I admit to myself that walking in to the recovery program my fears were ten out of ten, that over time my fears would reduce to single figures.
As my fears reduced my trust grew, with reducing my fears I could be myself.
Was I a victim earlier in my life, yes for sure, yet int time I would become a perpetrator, I  would not only hurt myself but also hurt other people.
I use to be so over sensitive, I use to get so angry and resentful, I use to sulk like a child, by being angry and so resentful told me I was not healing my hurt inner child.
The healthier people in the recovery program would demonstrate to me that one could become a healthier person day by day but it had to be my own choice, my daily conscious decision.
To learn from my past yet to not live in it, to understand that on daily I would over come my fears and become more productive and more whole in myself.
By me being consumed by the addictions and my obsessions by living in my fears I would in spiritual decline.
The healthier people in the recovery program would help me make much healthier choices.
The beginning of my recovery and healing was all about abstaining, and only by abstaining could recovery start for me.
In time I would be emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards my addictions and my obsessions.
There is nothing special about me, I left school at fifteen years of age without any qualifications what so ever.
The assurance of my recovery today is based up on my healthy actions and my healthy words today.
I heard the same text time and time again, at what point did the penny drop, at what point did I understand what true recovery was all about.
There is an implication that pride is an unhealthy thing, that is not true, pride is a healthy reward I give myself each day because of my healthy actions and my healthy words today.
There is an implication that having an addiction or obsession is about right wrong good or bad, no being an addict just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.
By humbling myself to being equal to all people empowers me, it helps me understand that if we are truly all equals if one person can achieve or succeed any one can.
Sadly all the statistics indicated that the odds of me healing and becoming whole and healthy were very low.
Yet no matter how many times I went back to my addictions and obsessions was a lesson for me to learn from.
What were my last emotional triggers and how can I change my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations to healthy interactions.
The word dysfunctional was often commented on, being dysfunctional did I have the chance to learn how I could move rom being an unhealthy dysfunctional person to becoming a fully healthy functional person, to no longer fear live in fear or ignorance,  to no longer give up on myself, to be able to communicate in healthy ways.
On a daily basis be able to articulate my feelings my emotions in a healthy way.
To talk things out when I felt emotionally vulnerable.
To no longer hide in my corner, to no longer hide in my bed, to no longer hide in my ignorance, to no longer hide in my fears, to no longer hide in my fears of emotional intimacy.
Why the reluctance to use the telephone list, did I not value myself, did I think I was not of taking other people time up.
So from very slow baby steps to having the confidence to face myself each day to face my fears, to face new challenges.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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