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Why would I want to procrastinate and put off my decision making

Why would I procrastinate was it lack of confidence, was it lack of confidence in myself, was it a fear of failing, was it because I felt so inadequate and insecure in myself, was it my fear of commitment.

Be delaying getting things done I would stress myself out, why put off going to more meetings, why would I fear exposing more and more of myself, the fear of going to meetings first of all was being seen by some one that knew me, as my fears reduced I was no longer living in fear of people knowing me, by giving a therapy I would expose more of the feelings and the emotions I was processing at any one time.

In time I would identify that my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations was not healthy for me, that every fear I had learned was a consequence of some painful and traumatic pains long before I was even a teenager.

Did I not value myself, did I not think that I could achieve so much more with my time, not understanding that every experience I go through would in time be an asset to me.

My failing was not even trying some thing new, every experience would help me become more confident in myself, even when I went back to my addictions and my obsessions would help me understand what my last emotional triggers was and why I was escaping people life and situations.

By being more stimulated in the meetings I would find that I could extend myself even more than before, that I was being tested more and more.

Just using words with out actions I was cheating myself.

By writing down daily lists of my needs my wants and my goals I was going to achieve those things I only could dream of at one time.

By me procrastinating I was cheating myself, in time fears reduce confidence builds hope and faith in myself become an everyday thing.

With each pain healed my fears reduce.

With each apology is not about who was right or wrong but pressing home the importance of  repaired relationships. 

Patience and tolerance become indicators that my expectations were reducing and that I was no longer causing myself or others pain on healthy days.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L 

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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