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My addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping people life and situations.
#1
Hi

I did not walk in to the recovery program for myself.

From day one in the recovery program I did not fully understand that I was escaping in my fears.

Only when I went to meetings for myself and became selfish bout my recovery would I have a chance of healing.

I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster going nowhere healthy.

Being an addict I was very vulnerable emotionally, I was very much living on the edge of my nerves.

How could I think that risk taking that losing on a regular basis was fun and exciting, I even though if I got my lost money back I would be happy.

Each time I betrayed myself and other people I was in spiritual decline, I would even justify going against my own conscience.

The spiritual recovery program is non religious to me.

I am a non religious person and have found that healing my pains today is much easier.

The spiritual recovery program was not going to stop me gambling, that was going to be my own choice.

The spiritual recovery program was not going to stop me lying, that was going to be my own choice.

The spiritual recovery program was not going to stop me giving up all faith and hope in myself, that was going to be my own choice.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program would help me get over testing times, they would help me understand when I am emotionally vulnerable and how to process my life in much healthier ways.

The spiritual recovery program is much like a mountain climbing training ground in how to deal with risky situations and how to get through life in the healthiest safest way possible. 

I walked in to in the spiritual recovery program very much emotionally traumatized in so many ways.

I did not know how to heal my pains, I did not know how to face my fears, I did not know how to reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I did not know how to reduce my fears of emotional intimacy, I did not know how to over come my feelings of boredom. 

As I started to open up more and more and give therapies my fears would reduce, my fears would reduced my rus started to grow.

With step five that would be the beginning of me opening up to the possibility of some deeper emotional intimacy.

In time I would stop procrastinating and become more open and more productive in my life.

In time I would trust myself more, I would trust other people.

In turning to my addictions and obsessions indicated how much I was emotionally traumatized, and also indicated how much fear I was living in.

How ever sick or unhealthy I was on day in my recovery I am not the same person today.

The guilt shame regrets were the consequences of my unhealthy actions and my my unhealthy. 

The spiritual recovery program has helped e become a person I am proud to be today.

I have the choice to be the healthiest person and the most productive person I can be today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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#2
Hi

The addictions and obsessions only indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.

I was far from weak, I had suffered many forms of abuse and due to the pains of my past my fears grew in me.

The risk taking caused an adrenaline rush in me which sadly I got in to thinking was fun and happiness.

Also the risk taking also indicated that I did not value myself hence I could not value other people.

I am a non religious person, even though I had a conscience I could not stop myself from hurting myself and other people.

Thinking that a really big win would undo the pains I did to myself and the pains I did to other people.

Anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my pains I could not heal.

Anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my fears I could not face.

Anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was effect hurting myself and causing myself more pains.

I understand that nothing I can do or say will change other people to become heathy or take the recovery program seriously.

No matter time since my last bet the most important day is today.

My direction and my focus in being and becoming healthier I am more focused on my needs my wants and my goals.

I use to hear certain people say that they did not have enough hours in the day, I use to think what a load of crap.

At this time in my life I think I do not have enough hours in the day.

I am now 74 years of age, I push my body in to getting things doe that I am able to do.

If I do not try I am cheating myself.

Every thing I do has a reward one way or another.

Every day I feel I have a full healthy life, I have clarity on my needs my wants and my goals.

On walking in to recovery my fears were 10 out of 10.

Now my fears are less than 2 out of 10

I use to fear failure, I use to fear the opposite sex, I use to fear paying the taxes, I use to fear the dentist, I use to fear letting people know when I was vulnerable, I use to fear being honest, I use to fear emotional intimacy, I use to fear letting go of control issues, I use to fear talking about my fantasies, I use to fear talking about my dreams, I use to fear losing my job, I use to fear Mondays going back to work, I use to fear coming back from holidays, I use to fear trusting myself and other people.

For me today I do not gamble, today I exchange an unhealthy habit in to healthy habits.

It takes time for people to see or understand how recovery works, some people have gone to meeting for months with out talking and that is a good thing, because one day a time comes where people talk things out.

I have now been married for over fifty years and I am not sure why my wife Shirley stayed with me.

I know that in my recovery as I became healthier my control issues reduced, and as I got healthier my wife had no reason to fear me any more.

Being in the recovery program I learned to love myself, and over time I learned to love other people.

Being in the recovery program I learned to respect myself, and over time I learned to respect other people.

Being in the recovery program I learned to be more patient and tolerant with myself, and over time I learned to more patient and tolerant with other people.

Being impatient and intolerant with myself only indicated how hard and cruel I was on myself.

Please take your recovery very seriously, once you give up your unhealthy habits you will have so much more value in your self your life and others.

Each time we go back to our addiction helps us understand what our last emotional trigger was.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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