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Did my addiction and obsessions control my thinking, and my behaviour.

Before my every day recovery I use to think that my addiction and obsessions control my thinking, and my behaviour.

Was that true then and is it true today.

Am I in any way different that every other person in the recovery program.

I am a non religious person and when religious people told me I had to do this or ahd to do that I felt that were trying to control me and manipulate me.

I understand that I use to want escape to my addictions and or my obsessions, yet what would cause me to lie and hurt other people.

A healthy non religious person in the recovery program explained that those things I wanted from people life and situations I needed to give to myself first of all.

Every healthy person in the recovery program would share with me their experiences in life with out even mentioning money addictions or obsessions.

In my time I understood that control issues were fear based.

In my time I understood that a healthy love is unconditional.

In my time I understood that I did not know that walking in to the recovery program I was emotionally traumatized.

I did not know that my anger told em that my hurt inner child was not healed.

I did not know that my fears were a consequence of unhealthy pains in my life.

I did not know or understand that I feared the opposite sex.

Serenity helped me understand that there is nothing I can do or say that will make unhealthy people change their ways.

Serenity helped me understand that I have a choice to react in unhealthy ways towards things or people that happen in my life.

On day one did I admit that I lived in many fears, did I know or understand why I had those fears.

I no longer talk about money or being in action, it has no benefit for me.

Only once my fears reduced could I talk about my emotional vulnerability.

Today I understand that money would not heal my pains, that money would not heal my pains.

By giving back money to people I had lied to lie would not heal their pains or my pains.

It is not possible to my heal my pains if I am not willing to admit to myself I was in pain.

In time I got selfish in my recovery, in order for me to heal I need to focus on myself, to no longer put things off, to no longer make sad excuses, to no longer procrastinate.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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