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I learned to understand what my emotional Triggers were and how to deal with them

Why did I keep go back to my addictions even knowing it was causing me and others pain.

Why did I think that my addictions controlled my thinking and my behaviours.

By being in the recovery program I learned to understand what my emotional Triggers were and how to deal with them in a much healthier way.

My emotional Triggers were my pains not healed.

My emotional Triggers were my fears not faced.

My emotional Triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations that I had no control over.

My emotional Triggers were my feelings of loneliness and isolation, I had great fears of emotional intimacy and trust issues.

My emotional Triggers were my feelings of boredom because I had given up so much faith and hope in myself.

By being in the recovery program I learned I would see and recognize myself in other people both the healthy and unhealthy.

Each time I went back to my unhealthy habits I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting nowhere healthy.

My unhealthy habits meant I was cheating myself of being productive, I was procrastinating and not getting things done.

My unhealthy habits were a from of escape and deviating facing myself people life and situations, the adrenaline rush was an my unhealthy habits from a very early age.

My fears of being honest were a consequence of being punished as a child for being honest.

I am a non religious person yet I do embrace spiritual values.

I am a person who thought I was seperated from so many people in my life, the like minded people in the recovery program would help me open up more and more in my therapes.

The recovery program was a very s low paced procedure, I was a very impatient intolerant person, my impatience intolerance only indicated how hard I was on myself.

In order to love other people I needed to learn to love myself.

In order to respect other people I needed to learn to respect myself.

The recovery program was not going to stop me gambling, that had to be my own choice.

In order for me to get healthy I needed to abstain from my unhealthy habits.

In reading step one I really thought that I abstained from my addictions and got my money back would resolve me and I would be happy.

Not so the addictions and my obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Only once I abstained from the the addictions and my obsessions could the healing process begin.

I was not healing from the addictions and my obsessions I was in effect healing the hurt inner child in me.

My anger, my resentments, my vengeance, my impatience and my intolerance my hatred only indicated how much pain my inner was in.

I use to say that I wanted justice when in fact I was wanting vengeance, not the same thing.

I wanted vengeance and to transfer my pains fears and frustrations on to other people.

How is my recovery today, I use to be angry all of the time, not it is hard to recall when I was last angry.

How do I measure my recovery today, do my family fear, am I able to tell people how much I love them, am I able to show gratitude and appreciation to all people today.

Am I able to be completely free of fear today.

Am I able to be completely to be myself today.

Am I able to be needs today, am I able to be wants today, am I able to achieve goals today, am I able to set boundaries today.

Am I humbled to being honest today in healthy ways.

Am I humbled to being nurturing and encouraging to myself and other people today.

Am I humbled to being equal to all people today.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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