Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Every time I went back to my addictions or my obsessions was an emotional trigger.

Every time I went back to my addictions or my obsessions was an emotional trigger I could understand more about.

My addictions and my obsessions was the symptoms I was emotionally vulnerable.

In my experience when people say that when I am emotionally vulnerable and gambled was just excuses.

Not so for me I understand that I escaped to my addictions or my obsessions indicated to me that I was escaping or deviating facing people life and situations I felt that I could not cope with.

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, my fears not faced, they were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, and my feelings of boredom.

Every time I escaped to my addictions and my obsessions meant I was giving up all faith and all hope in myself.

Every time I said to myself oh who cares anyway I was giving up all faith and all hope in myself.

On walking in to the recovery program could I explain or articulate my feelings and my emotions to myself or anyone else.

Being honest could I be honest to myself.

If just before walking in to the spiritual recovery program some one gave me money would I have gone in to that first meeting.

I am a non religious person, would the recovery program work for me.

My success in my recovery is all up to me working hard on my recovery and being with healthy like minded people.

The spiritual recovery program is a manual to finding a healthy life without not having my addictions and with out having obsessions.

The twenty questions were very clear to read yet how long for me to get honest with my answers.

On walking in to the recovery program I was not an evil person, I was not a stupid person, yet might have been very ignorant and inept.

Before walking in to the recovery program I had suffered so many pains in my life and those pains cased fears in me that I did not fully understand.

Could I admit to myself I was so nervous and scared walking in to that very first meeting.

That I feared the telephone ringing, that I feared the post arriving, that I feared being honest, that I feared strangers coming to the front door, that I feared opening up letters, that I feared people asking me questions, that I feared aggression and confrontation, that I feared the opposite sex, that I feared being myself.

The ideal situation is to be  emotionally detached all feelings and emotions towards my addictions and my obsessions.

On first being in the meetings I was talking about money, about money lost, about the adrenaline rush, I even use to think that I loved my addictions how weird is that.

So by moving away from talking about money or being in action I got to give therapies about how I am coping with life today.

In time I gave in depth therapies, how I process my feelings and my emotions today.

I did think that I could not resolve or deal with my fears.

In time I felt more than comfortable attending meetings.

As my fears reduced my trust grew more and more.

There is nothing I can do about money lost, only once I accept that simple fact I could move on with my life.

Were my motives healthy walking in to the recovery program, I did most thing reluctantly and resentfully, I left things to the very last moment and caused myself lots of stress and fears.

Procrastination was my second name.

In time I would write things down, I would have daily lists, my needs,  my wants, my goals.

I had very poor tolerance, I could not be patient and tolerant, being impatient and intolerant indicated that I was very hard on myself.

The spiritual recovery program would help me learn that recovery is not about perfection but more about progress however small it is.

I left school with out any qualifications what soever, my very first job was in a fair ground.

By being in recovery I would discover how much potential I have with in myself.

I am able to learn, I am able to listen and see every ones perspective in life and relationships.

My addictions or my obsessions indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable that is all.

I did not know how to celebrate, I did not know how to compliment myself, I did not know how to reward myself, I did not know how to respect myself, I did not know how to love myself, I did not know how to focus on one thing at a time, I did not know how to live life with out worrying.

As I heal my hurt inner child he comes out to play and interact with all people.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)