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Recovery for me was a healing of my pains process

By going to meetings I was able to abstain from my addictions and my obsessions.

By me abstaining from my addictions and my obsessions I was stop causing pains to myself. 

I am often questioned if you have not gambled in so long why attend the recovery program meetings.

For me abstaining from my addictions and my obsessions was just the deepest part of my healing process.

I use to think and feel that my addictions and my obsessions were controlling me.
That I understand was not so, my addictions and my obsessions were a way of me escaping in my fears from people life and situations from my past.

Sadly I was only able to heal those pains I would acknowledge in myself.

When people asked me how I was feeling did I say I was fine not so bad.

In truth I could not inform people that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I have been a victim in my life, I kept asking myself why does it always happens to me those pains.

The reason I had been a victim in my life was the simple fact I could not stand up for myself.

For me to stop being a victim I needed to speak up for myself from a place of peace.

The ideal situation in my recovery was to be completely detached from all my feelings and my emotions towards Gambling.

To no longer think that Gambling would make me feel successful, that was never true.

To no longer blame Gambling for my unhealthy ways.

To no longer think Gambling ruined my life, that was not true, I ruined my life by wasting time relationships,  the Gambling  never made me do 
any thing that I did not want to do.

I am a non religious person yet I am and was able to perform many things in my life without  the Gambling.

If other people want to gamble that is their choice,  I do not resent people who are not compulsive gamblers.

Being in my recovery anger and rage reduced to nothing.

I was able to learn to respect myself and to love myself.

In doing so I was able to learn to respect other people and the law.

The spiritual recovery program is about being the healthiest person I can be today.

The daily question did I write down my needs my wants and my goals today.

Today was I able to cross things off list that I had achieved.

Today was I able to say that I was proud of who I am today.

Today was I able to say that I was productive in many ways today.

My resentments told me that I was not healing my pains.

My jealousy told me that I was not be as productive as I could be.

Every time a person goes back to their addictions and obsessions do I learn from them.

It was very important that I did not put other people on a pedestal because if they ever fall back in to unhealthy ways I would assume I would fail.

We all work as a team learning from others unhealthy ways and how we can avoid making the same mistakes.

Today I can be honest with out being cruel.

Today I can be free of fear of being honest.

I do understand that my relationship with myself is adversely affected if I am not honest with myself.

The spiritual recovery program was a very slow learning curve for me.

By being in the spiritual recovery program my motives for doing things became more and more healthy.

The spiritual recovery program was not and is not a race today, it is about progress not perfection.

To be content with in myself was very healthy indeed.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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