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My addictions and my obsessions were a way of me escaping facing myself my feelings
#1
Hi

In the spiritual recovery program I was able to find out how unhealthy I was,  I was able to find out my emotional triggers.

I am a non religious person but over time I have found a healing path of my hurt inner child.

The rage that came out of me indicated how much buried pains I had with in me.

My addictions and my obsessions were a way of me escaping facing myself and my feelings.

How long it took me to move on talking about money lost or being in action I do not know, yet I now understand healing did not come about by talking about gambling money lost or being in action.

By giving atherapy I am in effect showing my emotional vulnerability.

My emotional vulnerability started from a very early age, only when I admitted to myself the pains I had suppressed could they come out and be healed.

Each time I went back to gambling escaping only indicated that I was not understanding my emotional triggers.

By talking out about the pains fears and frustrations loneliness and boredom could I do some thing about them.

Before my recovery my motives were not healthy, doing things resentfully,  doing things reluctantly, person pleasing, trying to buy people attention and friendship.

My reason for going to meetings changed as I changed.

When my last bet is less important today, what is important is was I healthy with myself today, was I healthy with other people today, did my actions or words adversely affect another person including myself today.

When I say or do some thing healthy do I feel proud of myself today.

Am I self sufficient today.

Do I have clearly written down my needs, my wants and my goals each day. 

Am I fully aware of my finances today.

Do I keep up to date all of my finances today.

Do people fear being honest with me today.

When people ask me how I am today is a question or an observation.

Do I trust my instincts today.

Do I ask myself how were my actions words and communications with other people today.

Do I show appreciation and gratitude to all people who interact with me in every way healthy.

Am I able to set boundaries in my life today.

Have I reduced my expectations of people life and situations today.

Am I able to ask for help.

Am I able to exchange my views and opinions in healthy ways today.

Am I nurturing and encouraging towards all people today.

Do I in any way try to control manipulate people in doing some thing they do not want to do today.

Do I in any way try to avoid being honest with people today.

Do I live in guilt shame or regret today, have I forgiven myself from my past unhealthy ways today.

Do I procrastinate in unhealthy ways today.

Do I fear trying some thing new.

Do I fear change in my life today.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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