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Just for today I choose not to gamble and heal my hurt inner child more
#1
Hi

In my recovery it was my choice to not gamble today.

For me to gamble today it simply makes things much worse.

For me to gamble would be an emotional trigger.

In time I focused on not only not gambling but seeing an end to the pains I was causing myself.

Once I was able to give up completely thinking of gambling to no longer dwell on money lost.

My therapies would help me open up more and no longer hide in a facade behind my walls of fears.

In time I would be able to heal,  I would also be able to articulate what my feelings and my emotions were.

As I  shared more and more about myself I would be able to heal from the pains of my past.

I did not give much thought to the words recovery, now I understand that healing could only happen once I was able to emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards gambling.

Today I understand that my addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping people life and situations I could not cope with.

As a child I was a victim in so many ways, the rage in me exposed the unhealthy pains I was burying and suppressing.

Only when I admitted to myself that I was a victim could I do some thing about it.

Only when I admitted to myself that I was a perpetrator could I do some thing about it.

Only when I admitted to myself that that my addictions and my obsessions were unhealthy for me.

Why did I have anger towards the gambling establishments they never hurt me, I hurt myself, 
they never hurt my family, I hurt my family.

I use to justify lying and cheating, I use to justify giving my hard earned money away.

I use to think that if I won lots of money it would make up for all the pains and suffering I had caused.

I do not want or need to gamble today.

I do understand my wants or needs today, I write thing down to keep clear about my new path in life today.

My addictions and obsessions indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was, my addictions and obsessions were often fear based issues.

Just by abstaining only I was not healing my hurt inner child.

Yet by me abstaining from all unhealthy habits the healing process would start for my hurt inner child.

Before my recovery I was living in so many fears yet would not admit them to myself.

The healthy people in the recovery rooms would encourage me to come out of myself, with the reductions of  my fears trust would come in to my 
life.

I would move from feeling such in an inept inadequate fear filled insure person to gain faith hope in myself.

The consequences of working my recovery would be a healthy motivation in my needs, my wants and my goals.

Instead of living in the pains of my past I would live heal from my pains and live my life to the full today.

Just for today I will not gamble means I start to value myself and I have the choice to live a healthy productive day today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.
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