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Understanding my emotional triggers helped me reduce the chances of gambling again

Did I think that I was a compulsive gambler on walking in to the recovery program.

From day one in recovery I did not understand how emotionally vulnerable I was.

After some time I understand that my emotional triggers were my pains I could or would not heal.

Another of my emotional triggers were my fears I could face or reduce.

Another of my emotional triggers were my frustrations were my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I could not or would not reduce.

Because of my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was hurting myself, I as hurting myself.

Another of my emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness and due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

Another of my emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom, sadly the longer I was consumed by my addictions and my obsessions I was less productive and feared failing.

In questioning myself why I procrastinated so much was it fear based, was it lack of confidence, was it I feared failing, did I fear being successful.

In time I would help myself and abstain from Gambling, I would also start to give up unhealthy habits.

In time I would help myself by writing down daily lists of wants needs and my goals, help myself by writing down shopping lists, help myself by writing down spread sheets showing our finances and even paying things on time.

By delaying, by avoiding things I just put myself and my family under stress and anxiety.

Is living in fear healthy.

Why did I fear being honest, did I think that if I was honest would be painful and cause me pains.

Why did I fear committing myself.

Why did I fear mixing with groups o people, can I mix with people with out having to have a drink.

One day I  found out that anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains, an unhealthy reaction to my fears, an unhealthy reaction to my unreasonable expectation people lie and situations that did not go my way.

I can be myself today, I can be honest to myself and other people today, I do not need to live in fear today.

I understand that by living in fear is not healthy, in therapies I would see other people fears in myself. 

The recovery program is a healing process, I could only heal by admitting to myself I was in pain, then up to me to do something about it.

The recovery program is only a manual for me to learn from.

With this infection I can view it as a fear thing, or I can view it as a safety, that following guide lines I am able to learn to protect myself.

I can only value and respect other people when I am able  value and respect myself.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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