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In my addiction the only time I felt successful was when ever I won
#1
Hi

My addictions and my obsessions were a form of escape.

The sad fact that I would only remember the times that I won which were very few times.

The reason I did not want to remember the losing days was because it was far to painful.

The reason I walked in to the recovery program was not for myself, I could not admit to myself that my addictions and my obsessions were not healthy habits.

I use to react in unhealthy ways to the mention of religion of God.

Only once I was going to meetings for myself was when I was going to achieve more with my recovery.

I am often asked why attend meeting if I have not gambled in a while.

The reason I go to the recovery program today is to be a much healthier person.

I did no understand the full potential I had with in myself.

Once I gave up unhealthy habits I would replace them with healthy habits.

On my very first birthday in the recovery program people complemented me, the things they said about me did not seem true.

I understand that time off gambling does not make me an expert.

Being in the recovery program I am equaled to all people not matter how long they are off htei addiction.

The funny thing was that when they mentioned humbling myself at the beginning of my recovery I use to think that I had to feel less than every one else.

That humbling myself is humbling myself the honesty about myself.

There is an implication that feeling pride in one self is an unhealthy habit, for me feeling pride in my self is the reward for working my healthy recovery and embracing spiritual values in my life today.

That guilt shame regret remorse is replaced with feeling proud of myself and  feeling proud of all the healthy people I know.

The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached from all feelings towards my addictions.

By my working the recovery program I no longer have rage in me.

By my working the recovery program I no longer live frozen in my fears and self doubt.

By my working the recovery program I understand that every time things go wrong my steel is being tested even more.

The pains of my life are being healed today.

The pains of my life which caused fears in me to grow from my child hood, I now face each one of my fears.

My fears use to be 10 out 10, today my fears are in the very low numbers.

The consequences of living in so many fears I was susceptible of going in to a high level of uncontrollable rage, almost like I could not help myself. It is very hard for me to remember the last rage I had.

For me to gamble is a very unhealthy thing to do.

As the walls of fear in me reduced I was able to be more and more honest with myself and then  I was able to be more honest with other people.

I view Gambling as a very unhealthy thing for me to do.

If other people want to gamble that is their choice.

I do not need to have a drink to interact with other people.

A person once pressed the point about me being a good person, I did not think that was true, did they see more in me than I could see and feel in myself.

By me working the recovery program I benefit so much more in my life, my interactions with other people have improved so much.

I have also been able to identify that my communications skills have improved so much.

Money and gambling were at one time my main focus in life.

I Use to think that I loved gambling and that life was boring.

Today my relationships and time are very important to me.

Some one once said at a meeting he was glad he was a compulsive Gambler, sadly with out the recovery program he would never have found out how unhealthy he was or how much he was missing out in his life.

I stick with the recovery program it is not rocket science.

I stick with the recovery program because with out it I would have never got to know how emotionally vulnerable I was.

I stick with the recovery program because it means so much to me today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham
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