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In my recovery each time I went back to addictions obsessions was a chance to learn

In my recovery each time I went back to my unhealthy addictions or my unhealthy obsessions was a chance to learn what was my last emotional trigger.

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, another emotional triggers were my fears not faced, another emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

Another emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness.

Another emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom.

Before my recovery I did not value myself, I even use to think that I must be evil stupid or bad or just no good.

In my recovery I would find out how emotionally vulnerable I was.

Step five was about over coming my fears of emotional intimacy.

I was for sure a victim in my life I suffered emotional abuse, I suffered physical abuse, I suffered sexualnal abuse, I suffered neglect and abandonment, I suffered with lack of nurturing, I suffered with lack of love, I suffered with lack of protection.

My recovery helped me understand that when I said I wanted justice was not true, I wanted vengeance.

The rage that cam out of me was my hurt inner child.

My personal pleasing was unhealthy.

My wanting the easy option was very unhealthy.

My wanting the some thing for nothing was very unhealthy.

In my recovery and healing I had 11 counsellors.

In my recovery I found some very healthy sponsors and friends.

I found that healthy sponsors will not bully manipulate other people.

I found that healthy sponsors would never take credit or responsibility for any part of my recovery.

I found that healthy sponsors would not try and control other people.

I found that healthy sponsors would help me open up and give up living in fears.

I found that healthy sponsors would help me face my fears, open up and over come my fears.

I found that healthy sponsors would help me open up more and learn healthy communication skills.

I found that healthy sponsors would tell me when they felt emotionally vulnerable and how to face new challenges.

The spiritual recovery is an eye opener, it helped me from being a talker to being a walker.

The spiritual recovery helped me understand that I am no longer the victim.

The spiritual recovery helped me heal my inner child mature up, become self efficient, recovery helped me understand my needs, my wants and to open up more and more healthy goals in my life today.

Before I entered in to the spiritual recovery program I was wasting so much time I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.

I did not walk in to the spiritual recovery feeling worthy of myself or worthy of other people.

One day after being in recovery some considerable time I had built a house extension to our home.

Some one came to look at it, he was complimenting me, the only thing I could do was point our a cracked peace of timber I had fitted.

Before my recovery every thing and every one seemed impossible to me.

I put on a facade a pretence that I was some I was not, this was all built on my fears.

The only time I could mix with people was after having a drink.

Today with fears I am able to be myself to any one.

Before going in to the recovery program I use to think myself as a weak person, that was not true.

After every painful event in my life I was not WEAK I was just a vulnerable person, not the same thing at all.

I learned no matter when I last gambled go to meetings.

I also learned no matter if I have no money go to meetings. 

The most important word in the spiritual recovery program is RECOVERY, for me RECOVERY is and was about healing that hurt inner child in me.

The word in the spiritual program is not about religion of any sort, I am in effect a non religious person.

The word spiritual in the program is about enforcing understanding my own conscience which is based up on spiritual values.

In being in so much pain I was also living in many fears, my most serious fear was my fear of emotional intimacy.

Only when I had empathy for myself could I have empathy for other people.

Only when I loved myself could I love other people.

Only when I trusted myself could I trust other people.

I did not value myself so I could not value other people.

By having such unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was hurting myself time and time again.

For me the spiritual program is only the manual to healthy spiritual learning, learning the text and words was not enough for me.

How much more do I want to heal my hurt inner child.

How much more do I want to achieve so much more with relationships with myself and other people.

The spiritual recovery program is not a race, recovery is a very slow healing process,  recovery is a very slow baby steps learning curve.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham
Absolutely, lots to consider if picking a sponsor.

Not always as simple as picking the first cab on the rack.

A starters worth of food for thought....

Smartie xx
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...


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