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My addictions and my obsessions were very unhealthy for me and every around me.

How many people felt that their addictions and obsessions were controlling them.

I understand now that I use to escape in many ways long before my addictions and obsessions came in to play.

Only once I was committed towards investing time and energy would I have a chance not only to abstain but to heal my pains and to face my fears.

Because I had so many control issues which were all fear based, only once I admitted that I was emotionally vulnerable and that my way of life was very unhealthy.

Even my motives were unhealthy, my anger was unhealthy, that my communication was very poor and unhealthy.

The recovery program was only a manual to healing and healthy living.

I use to react in very unhealthy ways to the mention of God or religion.

My unhealthy reaction to God or religion was due to the fact that some adults in my life caused me many pains and they were very unhealthy hypocrites.

My recovery was not going to be helped by unhealthy people bullying manipulating threatening me, no my learning would come from people who were healthy nurturing and encouraging towards me.

A healthy nurturing and encouraging sponsor would help me face new challenges, help me learn from my mistakes, they would demonstrate healthy communication skills.

A healthy nurturing and encouraging sponsor would help me over come my fears, I would find that there were many things I could learn from both healthy and unhealthy people, in time I would see and feel myself in unhealthy people.

The wording dysfunctional was very confusing for me, yet over time I would find that dysfunctional people were often very unable to embrace spiritual values, they were short in healthy communication skills.

That dysfunctional people were unable to interact in healthy ways and often dysfunctional people would adversely affect other people one way or another.

One of things I found out about myself was because I was unable to heal my pains I could not move on from my past, blame guilt tripping, even when some thing went missing I would instantly assume that some one had moved or taken some of mine.

Over time my unhealthy instant reaction would help me understand that I was not only an unhealthy person yet if I worked up on myself I could heal and leave my past pains behind me.

My fears disabled me in so many ways, yet all of my fears were a consequence of pains of my past unresolved or unhealed issues.

My fear of being honest came from my child hood, when ever honest as a child I was punished in one way or another, I got in to associating that honesty would always be painful.

That by me being honest was going to cause me to feeling abandoned or rejected, in the recovery program as I opened more and more I found that my honesty was empowering me.

For me the spiritual recovery program once I worked it was going to help me open up more and more, as I moved from telling sad war stories and blame on to talking about my emotional vulnerability I would expose more and more of the hurt inner child in me.

I would open up cry and laugh, I would open up more and my emotional age and my physical age would get closer together.

Today I no longer want to be the victim, I no longer want to be the perpetrator, I no longer want to be frozen in my fears.

Because of the infection issues I miss out on the meetings, I miss out on the talks we do at the recovery center, I miss out on the choice to go some where warm, I miss out on getting things done in the yard, by the way it has snowed here in Calgary Canada.

A person once said at a meeting that he was he was a compulsive gambler, is this man mad, he explained with out his addiction and with out the recovery program he would have never found out how unhealthy he was.

It is my daily choice as to what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

It is my daily choice as to how healthy do I want to become in myself.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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