11-06-2020, 10:42 AM
So, I'm returning to GA after 2 and a half years away from it. Previously I'd been attending GA for over 19 Months. I'd done over a year and a half without gambling. A year and a half of attending meetings, these accrued from doing 3 meetings a week, to 2 meetings a week, gradually decreasing to 1 a week and sometimes 1 a fortnight. I knew my meetings were important and I knew I should keep attending, but funnily enough the best piece of advice you are always given by any member of GA is - Don't stop attending meetings. I did the opposite and it has conjured to my downfall.
As an overview I started GA when I was 21, wasn't in the worst position in the world but I knew my gambling was a sever problem. I was with my previous partner at the time, who'm I'd been with since I was 14. I stopped gambling, I attended GA regularly I saved well and we bought a house together, but I wasn't fulfilled. Things happen and cut a long story short, we broke up and I found Love elsewhere. I wasn't bothered about the house or anything like that and initially I didn't go back to gambling.
Myself & my new partner worked at the same place and due to previous hurt, we both put each other under a lot of stress and I could feel old tendencies creeping back in. I believe I am somebody who doesn't know myself and my own mind that well and that is another thing along my stopping gambling journey I am looking to fix. I began to tell lies again and I began to be a deceitful person. I was doing corrupt things that I shouldn't have been doing and I was out a lot and I started to take drugs. I've always known escaping from negativity is something I look to do instead of facing things head on & this is exactly what I did, I replaced the Gambling with the drugs but soon before I knew it they would come hand in hand.
I had to resign from my previous job, a really good job that I not only liked but also was really good at it. Through fault of my own I had no option but to resign as I was likely to be sacked. My partner stuck by me and helped me through this period. Whilst unemployed though I did not help myself or my family who supported me. I reverted and did the complete opposite. I went right back to gambling. Whilst trying to find a new job, I would pass time by gambling. I took out several unsecured loans and got myself into a mess. Of course I kept this all secret and hidden and during this my lies got even worse.
I managed to get a new job and I began it in March this year. A job I am doing well at and a job that helps me make all the minimum repayments, but not really a job that helps me live, so after I make the payments I am still trying to borrow money from friends. When the pandemic started, it should have been my opportunity to help myself and make large payments each month of my debts, however I didn't, I gambled more and more. It got to the point last week where I knew I was done and I knew I needed to stop.
I come clean to my partner who now has left, but not due to the gambling, due to the lies I have told her and hurt I have put her through during the 2 years. She would have stuck by me and helped with the gambling side of things, but one too many lies has hurt her too much and she has hit a point. This hurts a lot and I know I need to ensure I focus on Just For Today, but losing Love makes things hard and I think a lot of people will reciprocate with me on that.
After I come clean to my partner, it was time to tell my family. They both already knew, my mum & dad they both knew. They sensed changes within me and they could tell. My mum previously had come to meetings with me specially the meeting where I received my 1 year pin. They handled it really well and are supporting me really well. They've both helped with the unsecured loans I have and that has eased the burden a lot, even though they both knew it should not be them to do that they have helped. Next week I will finally be receiving my settlement from the previous house I did have with my ex partner and the vast majority of that is going on clearing other debts, so I can start again. I know its going to be a tough road, but I am 8 days in now and just as determined as I was the years ago when I started GA.
I want to better myself as a person now and be again the person I was whilst I wasn't gambling. I know I may have lost the person I love, but I know I need to focus on the things I can change and not on the things I can't. I still have GA literature from when I previously attended and 'Just For Today' is helping a lot currently.
My last bet was 3rd June 2020 and long may that continue.
As an overview I started GA when I was 21, wasn't in the worst position in the world but I knew my gambling was a sever problem. I was with my previous partner at the time, who'm I'd been with since I was 14. I stopped gambling, I attended GA regularly I saved well and we bought a house together, but I wasn't fulfilled. Things happen and cut a long story short, we broke up and I found Love elsewhere. I wasn't bothered about the house or anything like that and initially I didn't go back to gambling.
Myself & my new partner worked at the same place and due to previous hurt, we both put each other under a lot of stress and I could feel old tendencies creeping back in. I believe I am somebody who doesn't know myself and my own mind that well and that is another thing along my stopping gambling journey I am looking to fix. I began to tell lies again and I began to be a deceitful person. I was doing corrupt things that I shouldn't have been doing and I was out a lot and I started to take drugs. I've always known escaping from negativity is something I look to do instead of facing things head on & this is exactly what I did, I replaced the Gambling with the drugs but soon before I knew it they would come hand in hand.
I had to resign from my previous job, a really good job that I not only liked but also was really good at it. Through fault of my own I had no option but to resign as I was likely to be sacked. My partner stuck by me and helped me through this period. Whilst unemployed though I did not help myself or my family who supported me. I reverted and did the complete opposite. I went right back to gambling. Whilst trying to find a new job, I would pass time by gambling. I took out several unsecured loans and got myself into a mess. Of course I kept this all secret and hidden and during this my lies got even worse.
I managed to get a new job and I began it in March this year. A job I am doing well at and a job that helps me make all the minimum repayments, but not really a job that helps me live, so after I make the payments I am still trying to borrow money from friends. When the pandemic started, it should have been my opportunity to help myself and make large payments each month of my debts, however I didn't, I gambled more and more. It got to the point last week where I knew I was done and I knew I needed to stop.
I come clean to my partner who now has left, but not due to the gambling, due to the lies I have told her and hurt I have put her through during the 2 years. She would have stuck by me and helped with the gambling side of things, but one too many lies has hurt her too much and she has hit a point. This hurts a lot and I know I need to ensure I focus on Just For Today, but losing Love makes things hard and I think a lot of people will reciprocate with me on that.
After I come clean to my partner, it was time to tell my family. They both already knew, my mum & dad they both knew. They sensed changes within me and they could tell. My mum previously had come to meetings with me specially the meeting where I received my 1 year pin. They handled it really well and are supporting me really well. They've both helped with the unsecured loans I have and that has eased the burden a lot, even though they both knew it should not be them to do that they have helped. Next week I will finally be receiving my settlement from the previous house I did have with my ex partner and the vast majority of that is going on clearing other debts, so I can start again. I know its going to be a tough road, but I am 8 days in now and just as determined as I was the years ago when I started GA.
I want to better myself as a person now and be again the person I was whilst I wasn't gambling. I know I may have lost the person I love, but I know I need to focus on the things I can change and not on the things I can't. I still have GA literature from when I previously attended and 'Just For Today' is helping a lot currently.
My last bet was 3rd June 2020 and long may that continue.