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The recovery program helps me heal become healthier and learn my emotional triggers

The spiritual recovery program helps me help myself become healthy and whole even in not being a religious person.

Every time I was angry I understood it was my hurt inner child lashing out.

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, were my fears having not been faced, were my frustrations having high expectations of people life and situations, were my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy and were my m feelings of feeling bored and I did not have any goals or enthusiasm in my life.

The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

 It was very hard for em to go to meetings, it was even harder to abstain from my unhealthy addictions and obsessions.

In time I would give up talking about money lost or ven being in action.

I use to think that the adrenaline highs were happiness and the pains of loosing were depths of depression and misery.

Sadly in being involved in my unhealthy addictions and obsessions there were not happy moments, I could not open up to myself hence I could not open up to other people.

I put on a facade, a world of pretence, that I was clever and knew it all, that I had the answers to every thing.

I use to person please, try and buy friendships, try to impress.

In time I would learn to trust myself and also learn to trust other people.

When I walked in to the recovery program I did not understand how unhealthy I had become.

My physical age and my emotional age were not the same, as I healed that gap would reduce.

How do I measure my recovery today, do I live in fear that stunt me getting things done, am I free of emotional intimacy, am I a walker or a talker today.

Do I make lists of my need to do things and my want to do things, do I extend my myself in many ways as I grow heal and mature.

The more I get in to my recovery I have the ability to share with many people at different levels of my recovery.

My unhealthy habits were costly in every way, if I Gambled 10 per day that was 3650.00 per year.

My other unhealthy habits were costly in every way, if I drank 10 per day that was 3650.00 per year.

My other unhealthy habits were costly in every way, if I smoked 10 per day that was 3650.00 per year.

One year of unhealthy habits was nearly 11,000.00 per year.

Over ten years that was 110,000.00 that was a complete waste of money and more importantly that was a complete waste of time and my life.

Yet no one could stop me gambling, that was going to be my own choice.

How long before I wanted to give up my unhealthy habits.

As my fears reduced my trusts started to grow in so many ways.

I am able to be honest today without hurting people or myself today.

My patience and my tolerance tells me I m being kinder to myself today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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