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For me no matter when my last bet, it was important to go to meetings

For me no matter when my last bet, it was important to go to meetings, if I had no money go to meetings, no matter who I do not like go to meetings, the safest place for me to be was in meetings.

I use to justify my lies, I use to justify my procrastinations, I use to justify my not being accountable.

I could not heal my hurt inner child if I was not admitting to myself the pains I had experienced.

I use to say I am not so bad, when inside I was crumbling down.

Why was it that I could not accept advice, why was it that I could not articulate  my feelings and my emotions.

Why was it that I could interact with other people in healthy ways.

Why did I think that I was going to be the last person on this planet to give up gambling.

I walked in to the spiritual recovery program lower than dog crap feeling inadequate insecure inept and thinking the only way I could feel successful was by getting some thing for nothing, or taking advantage of other people.

I could not love other people until I learned to love myself.

I could not respect other people until I learned to respect myself.

I could not be patient and tolerant with other people until I learned to be patient and tolerant with myself.

My impatience and tolerance with other people indicated how hard I was on myself.

People talk about honesty how far do we go, honesty about money,  honesty about our lies, honesty about our feeling emotionally vulnerable.

At what point do we have no fears of emotional intimacy.

At what point do no longer live behind walls built of our fears.

The wording spiritual recovery program indicated to me that the recovery program was a religious organization.

I use to react in unhealthy ways at the mention of religion or god.

The I learned that my conscience were based up on spiritual values.

Being in recovery yes I stopped my addiction yet putting more healthy effort in to my life was very hard.

In time I saw the recovery program simular to mountain climbers, we are all tied to each other learning from each other how to take the healthiest paths in our life today.

A healthy sponsor will not bully or manipulate people.

A healthy sponsor will be patient and tolerant, and in our sharing it will be a two way street.

Decision making will be slower and more stable.

I learned that my periods of panic were all fear based, that I could not think clearly or work out how to do things in a slow patient mind.

My expression of gratitude and appreciation was a demonstration of my healthy values and that I cared and valued myself and other people.

Today it is rare to take people or things for granted. 

My expression of gratitude and appreciation improves my relationship with myself and with other people.

The recovery program is not a race, I am not trying to out do other people.

The recovery program helped me slow down my pace in my life today, I no longer have to race my car, I no longer have to take risks which are dangerous to me and other people.

I was a victim in my life.

I was a perpetrator in my life.

I no longer want to be a victim, I no longer want to be a perpetrator today,  I no longer want to be a rescuer today.

For me my recovery was not about being right wrong good or bad, my recovery is about understanding unhealthy and moving towards a healthy life each day.

To exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

If I am and was able to achieve so much with my life then any one can do it.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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