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The spiritual recovery program helps me be more honest and less afraid

The spiritual recovery program helps me heal and be more honest and secure in myself.

Every pain in my life caused fears to grow in me.

On walking in to the spiritual recovery program I did not understand how much my fears disabled me in achieving things in my life.

For me panic was very much fear based, the higher the levels of fear I lived in the more likely I would go in to panic mode quickly.

My procrastinating was often fear based, once I was able to talk on a one to one basis I was able to reduce my fears, and think more clearly.

I had a lack of confidence, yes often I would put a facade on which was fear based.

When I was asked how are you I would deviate and say not so bad or I am fine, that was a lie to myself.

My fear of aggression and confrontation was due to the aggression and confrontation of my parents.

Sadly they could not love them self or each other, hence I was ignorant as how to love myself or love other people.

I was not able to love until I reduced the fears in me, and when fears reduce trust grows.

At what point would my pains become clearer.

At what point would my inner child become more healed.

At what point would I get more honest with myself. 

I thought I was a weak person on walking in to spiritual recovery program and in time I would understand that I was a survivor and was not weak.

One day I did a list of how many pains I had experienced in my life, from cuts to my body, understanding how many people had dumped on me in my life, understanding how much emotional abuse I had experienced, there was also neglect and emotion abandonment in my life.

In doing a list helped me understand that there was nothing that had not already been done to me that I had already suffered and experienced.

I was for sure been a victim, yet some how I had become a perpetrator and dumped some of my pains fears and frustrations on to other people.

I understand that when I said I wanted justice in my life was not true, what I was wanting was to dump my my pains fears and frustrations on to other people, that was not justice that was vengeance and was very unhealthy to myself and other people.

I am a non religious person and I do understand that any person can find a healthy recovery and healthy healing if they are dedicated and put as much time and energy in to their recovery as they put in to their addictions and obsessions.

The recovery and the spiritual recovery program is about self commitment.

I understand today that my healthy recovery and my healthy healing could not be done a lone by reading text and books, that true recovery is about healthy interactions and learning to trust once more.

It is only by reducing my fears and healing pains that true recovery comes from with in me.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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