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I healed faced my fears and no longer need to escape to addictions and obsessions

My addictions and obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I had already survived some horrific things in my life and yet today I am more complete and whole.

Before my recovery I use to react in such unhealthy ways.

It took time to commit myself to investing time and energy in to my recovery.

It is a healthy thing to have a conscience, when I go against my own conscience I feel guilt and shame.

My addictions and obsessions only indicated that I could not cope emotionally.

One day at a meeting I was informed that the walls of fear I built up to protect myself from being hurt stopped me from getting out and having healthy relationships.

The anger and rage that came out of me indicated that I could not or would not interact in healthy ways.

The anger and rage that came out of me indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed and whole.

I am a non religious person, I questioned if being non religious could I become a healthy person once again.

I did not want to talk about my past because the pains were not healed.

The wording spiritual recovery program indicated that it was a religious organization, in time my reaction to the word spiritual or religious 

In time I would understand that recovery means healing as simple as  that.

Yet could I heal if I did not admit to myself that I had buried pains.

In time I would learn to express my feelings and emotion  in healthy ways.

To understand that recovery means healing that hurt inner child.

The trauma I suffered in so many ways sadly affected my ability to interact in healthy ways.

Being in recovery those walls of mine built on fears would be taken down brick by brick.

My history is very hard to believe, even as a child I tried to take my own life.

I took things that I thought would end my life and in the morning I felt such a failure that I could not commit suicide properly.

I after a short time blanked out the memory of trying t take my own life and in time it would come to surface and I would understand that from an early age I was so emotionally traumatized and could not heal my pains.

Recovery is about healing it is not about right or wrong, it is not about good or bad, it is about what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

For me today addictions and obsessions are very unhealthy, I choose to exchange what is unhealthy in to what is healthy.

To take is an unhealthy habit and change in to a healthy habit.

Before my recovery no idea of how much potential I have with in myself.

How much do I value myself today, how much do I value other people today.

The longer a person takes to abstain from unhealthy habits the harder it gets.

How much do I value the quality of my life today.

The choice is mine today.

Do I want to be a talker or a walker today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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