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No matter how many times I Gambled I always made things much worse.

I was not an evil or bad person, even when I went against my own conscience I felt that I did not have a healthy choice.

How long would it take me to understand that my addictions and obsessions indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I was not a selfish person I was how ever a self destructive person.

The simple truth was I could not trust myself with having money on my person.

I did not want to hand over my money because I felt that I was handing over control of my life.

The spiritual recovery program was a non religious healthy healing process.

I was in time going to make much healthier choices in my life.

I found out that I was ready for counselling when I reduced the fears I had with in myself.

I have been to eleven counselors in my time.

Before my recovery and healing  use to react in such unhealthy ways.

I could react in rage to some thing very silly in my life, in time I would understand that my unhealthy reactions were my hurt inner child lashing out.

I use to react in anger and in time I would understand that anger was due to my feelings of pains fear or frustrations.

I use to be an out ward unhealthy reacting person yet could be a unhealthy suppressive in ward reacting person.

At what point was I going to admit to myself how unhealthy I was.

Yet what was important was to invest more time and energy in to my recovery that the time and energy I put in to my unhealthy habits.

It is a very slow period healing the hurt inner child in me.

It took time for the hurt inner child in me to come and face and deal with the feelings and emotions I was going through.

I questioned what Love was, was it physical, was it emotional, was it possible to love another person if I did not love myself.

I asked once what was love was, I was told that love is giving of your self unconditionally.

In time I do not get frustrated as much as I have reduced my expectations of people life and situations.

Today I understand that me having such high expectations of people life and situations I was causing pains up on myself.

People often ask if I have gambled in such along time do you need to go to meetings.

After time I went to meetings to not gamble but I went to meetings to learn how to cope with life and situation in healthy ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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