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First time here after numerous attempts at stopping by myself.
(30-09-2020, 12:23 PM)sam123 Wrote: Hi Im Sam 

I have gambled since my late teens and have really been too slow to make this step but better late than never I guess. 

In lots of ways I am very lucky in life and definitely have a lot to be grateful for however my compulsive gambling has caused lots of issues in my life.

I have always gambled in various ways including poker and sports betting but online slots have really caused a lot of difficulty in my life. I have no control over my play on them. It doesn't matter how much money I have lost and what difficulty it may cause me in the real world the sad truth is I will still mainly be upset that I have to stop playing. It is only when I have stopped playing that the realisation of what I have done AGAIN sets in and that familiar darkness returns. 

I live abroad and feel somewhat isolated with my problem as I don't feel I can talk to anyone about it safely. I have issues with anxiety which also make it difficult to talk to people about this and is probably partly why it has taken me until my 30s to even make this step having known my gambling has been an issue for some time.  

Losing lots of money during my time gambling is a given but thankfully I am not in debt from it and have a good job that will allow me to recover as long as I am able to stop gambling.  The most harmful effects of gambling for me are mainly around my mental health and how it stops me being able to engage/enjoy life as I would like to. 

As mentioned above I have issues with anxiety and when my gambling was most out of control last year my anxiety was so bad I had physical symptoms I had no idea could be related to anxiety/stress which had a big impact on my daily life. During this time I would be constantly playing online slots on my commute to work, at work and at home. It was out of control. Thankfully in recent months I have a better grip on it and can have periods of time without gambling. However the urges return and I rationalise gambling to myself saying "it's only xx pounds" etc etc but of course that is never the case. The loss of control really upsets me and makes feel ashamed of myself. It hurts even more the longer it has been since I last gambled as the reality of there being no escape from this addiction is clear. 

I am hoping becoming a member of this community will allow me to become accountable for my actions, learn from others and help people with similar issues in any small way I can. 


Hi Sam

By sticking in recovery we find out that given time and change we can find a healthy life once more.

Each relapse is a lesson we can learn from.

It is not healthy for us to beat our self up and cause our self more pains.

The addictions and obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I was not evil or bad not about right or wrong just emotionally vulnerable.

Only once I gave up talking about money or gambling I could start to talk about and give a therapy.

The recovery rooms fearlessness and talking in therapies could I understand how vulnerable I was.

To understand when I am or was emotionally vulnerable and how to cope in a much  healthier way.

My unhealthy reactions became healthy interactions.

I use to feel lost and insecure today I have focus direction and a healthier way of dealing with life tests of my recovery.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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