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A person once said that he was glad that he was a compulsive Gambler, instant shock
#1
Hi

How could a person say he was glad that he was a compulsive Gambler.

Yet once explained it all made common sense to me.

The healthy people in the recovery program would him understand that was an unhealthy person yet before recovery he did not think he had any emotional issues.

I have been in recovery some time and now understand so much more about myself.

It was hard to admit to myself that I was a vulnerable person, to understand that my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms.

People in recovery will often want to escape in other ways to obsessions and escape people life and situations.

It was important for me to hand over my finances, after all the money was the fuel for my additions.

No one was going to make me do any thing I did not want to do.

There were occasions that people in the recovery worked for Gambling establishments and I use to have hatred towards such people.

In time I would understand that no one forced me to do things I did not want to do.

For me the recovery program is a healing process, yet I could only heal my pains once I recognized the pains were with in me.

It was so hard to identify in me all the pains I had built up over many decades.

Yet recovery would be healthy for me, sharing my therapies, to learn to articulate my feelings and emotions in healthy non threatening way.

Money on its own was not going to make me happy, money was not going to make me feel successful, money was not going to heal my pains, money was not going to heal other peoples pains, money was not going to rid my fears, money was only to give me more choices.

The emotional roller coaster of being consumed by gambling was horrific.

Looking at machines was a risk taking self abuse escape, rolling the dice a self abuse escape, seeing racing horses or dogs a self abuse escape, the turn of cards a self abuse escape, racing and speeding a self abuse escape.

It takes time to exchange an unhealthy habit in to healthy habit, every unhealthy habit leads to much healthier goals and motives.

No one could stop me gambling, no one could make me do any thing I did not want to do.

Yesterday was a productive day, cleaning the car out, putting up new set of Christmas tree lights, tidying up the garage.

I use to stress my self out at Christmas time, not plan things out, not do Christmas card lists, not do Christmas present lists, and sadly on Christmas we could not relax and enjoy the day.

Then right after Christmas day, worry about money spent and credit cards.

In my recovery I would identify each emotional trigger and face each one, one at a time.

My life before my recovery lacked patience and tolerance, I was hard on myself and was hard on other people.

I could not validate myself, I could not compliment myself, I found it hard to find any emotional intimacy with other people.

On first entering the recovery program people giving me hugs scared the living hell out of me.

People pushing religion and God on to me scared the living hell out of me.

I even asked one old time can a person find a healthy recovery, his answer was yes providing you come to believe in some thing or the recovery program.

In time I saw potential in other people and those people I saw and felt myself.

It was very hard to slow my pace down, to not rush at things, to not race in my car any more.

Contentment is differing levels of satisfaction in the world around me and satisfaction in my self.

My progress, my healthy motivation, fulfilling my needs, fulfilling my wants, fulfilling my goals, to move from unhealthy reactions towards healthy interactions with all people.

Expressing my gratitude, and  expressing my appreciations was an expression of my new found healthy values.

Before my recovery I would go to work, yet out side work did not have any healthy practices.

Each time I broke out gambling or escaping I needed to understand my emotional triggers, was I escaping people, myself, my feelings and my emotions.

Was I escaping people life or situations I could not emotional cope with.

The most important things in my life today is my healthy relationships, my time and having healthy interactions with all people healthy or not.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham
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