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Feel sick at the fact I'll never make the money back now
#1
Hi all, 

Can't quite believe I'm posting on here as I'm still quite shocked I even ended up in this position. I never would have imagined myself being a gambler but during lockdown I randomly decided to buy a couple of lottery tickets. When I was online purchasing them I was given an offer for one of the 'instant win games' and from then on I was pretty much hooked. I moved on pretty quickly from the instant win games on the lottery site to slots on various sites and pretty soon I was doing these everyday. The final straw for me came at the beginning of this month when I managed to blow almost all of my monthly salary in a few hours. 

Since then I've self-excluded which has given some sense of relief but I'm also finding myself still thinking about it almost 24/7. One of the main challenges I'm having at the moment is having to accept that I really have lost all the money spent. Whilst I was still gambling I would convince myself that I'd be one of the lucky ones who bagged jackpots and then I could self exclude knowing I'd made back by money. I know the chances of this are practically zero but there was still that glimmer of hope which has now gone. 

Moving forward now I'm hoping to find ways to come to terms with the amount of lost (talking quite a bit in debt now) and find ways to distract myself from thinking about it all the time. So if anyone has any suggestions that would be hugely appreciated.
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#2
Hey chberry93,

Thanks for sharing your story. I presume you've read a few of the other stories online. Did you manage to glean anything that may be able to help you?

I'm sure you have a rough idea after reading the various tabs above how GA works and maybe getting to a meeting and / or counselling may be something you could consider. Have you got any additional support?

Hear from you soon

Smartie
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...

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#3
Hi

In time I would accept the simple fact the money I gambled was gone, no one or thing could change that simple fact.

In time I would accept the simple fact the lies I told could not be undone. The same with the pain I caused other people could not healed by me.

In time I would accept the simple fact that during my unhealthy gambling habits I was escaping my feelings and my emotions.

By committing time and effort in to myself and to the recovery program was the only way I could find a healthier way of living.

Did I think admit to others or myself how much pain I caused myself and other people.

By attending the recovery program I would understand when I was vulnerable emotionally and how to process my emotional triggers in healthier ways.

The recovery program and healthy like people minded people I would feel each I was able to make healthier choices and be more productive.

I use hate working, yet I was obsessed with work.

I use to wish my life away, I thought the only time I was happy was when I was in action.

The risk taking the speeding the gambling because fear was so over whelming I thought adrenaline rush was happiness and fun.

I could not like myself, I could not trust myself, I could not respect myself, I could not love myself, I could not be honest with myself, not only did I get healthy right away but I needed to be more tolerant with myself.

Could I like myself.

Could I invest more time and energy in to recovery than I put in to my addictions and my obsessions.

Love and peace toe very one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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#4
(22-11-2020, 07:44 PM)chberry93 Wrote: Hi all, 

Can't quite believe I'm posting on here as I'm still quite shocked I even ended up in this position. I never would have imagined myself being a gambler but during lockdown I randomly decided to buy a couple of lottery tickets. When I was online purchasing them I was given an offer for one of the 'instant win games' and from then on I was pretty much hooked. I moved on pretty quickly from the instant win games on the lottery site to slots on various sites and pretty soon I was doing these everyday. The final straw for me came at the beginning of this month when I managed to blow almost all of my monthly salary in a few hours. 

Since then I've self-excluded which has given some sense of relief but I'm also finding myself still thinking about it almost 24/7. One of the main challenges I'm having at the moment is having to accept that I really have lost all the money spent. Whilst I was still gambling I would convince myself that I'd be one of the lucky ones who bagged jackpots and then I could self exclude knowing I'd made back by money. I know the chances of this are practically zero but there was still that glimmer of hope which has now gone. 

Moving forward now I'm hoping to find ways to come to terms with the amount of lost (talking quite a bit in debt now) and find ways to distract myself from thinking about it all the time. So if anyone has any suggestions that would be hugely appreciated.
Hi

In my recovery I would understand that money was only the fuel for my addiction.

What I lost being unhealthy in my addiction was time and relationships.

I was angry when I lost the money who do you blame the gambling establishments, no they did not make me do any thing that I did not want to do.

Was it more likely that I was angry at myself.

That I felt that the gambling controlled my life.

Yet is that true.

My addiction only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

In time I would recognize when I was emotionally vulnerable and what were my emotional triggers.

For me my emotional triggers were my pains that were not healed, were my fears that were not faced, were due to my unreasonable expectations that were not reduced, were my feelings of loneliness that were due to my fears of emotional intimacy, were my feelings of boredom that were me not feeling productive or worth while, having fears of failure.

Only once I abstained from my addictions and my obsessions could I get healthier and more motivated with my life and relationships. 

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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