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My Addictions and my Obsessions indicated I was emotionally vulnerable and Unhealthy

My addictions and my Obsessions indicated I was emotionally vulnerable and Unhealthy

I could say now that my addictions and my Obsessions were the symptoms that I could not help myself.

Before my recovery I use to think that money would bring me happiness.

Before my recovery I use to think that if I could get all the money back I lost, sorry I did not lose my money I gave it away freely.

Before my recovery I use to think I knew what love was.

Before my recovery I could not give of myself unconditionally.

Yet who is to say what is healthy or unhealthy.

In my recovery I would be able to abstain from my unhealthy addictions and my unhealthy obsessions.

Yet abstaining was not enough for me, by abstaining did not mean my hurt inner child was not healed.

Only once I got in to sharing my therapies could I stop living in fear and expose more of my hurt inner child but only then my fears would reduce.

Every fear that grew in me was due to the pains of my past that were not healed.

My fear of emotional intimacy stopped me from having a healthy relationship with myself and with other people.

Before my recovery I wanted to blame people life and situations for my being unhealthy.

The therapies would empower me to articulate my feelings and my emotions, I would also see and feel myself in other people.

By opening up in my therapies I would expose more and more about myself, by my expressions I would move from being a victim of people life and situations I felt that I could not have any control over.

By opening up I would be able to listen to my own conscience, I would identify what were my healthy wants, and what were my healthy needs, the sad fact no one could help me if I was not willing to help myself.

I am a non religious person and understand that any one can find a healthy life and recovery if you put your mind to it.

My anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains not healed, my anger was also an unhealthy reaction to my fears not faced, my anger was also an unhealthy reaction to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, sadly I was hurting myself and causing myself pain by my unreasonable expectations, they were not hurting me I was hurting myself.

Handing over our finances helped me understand that money was a control issue for me.

I could not trust myself with money.

Each time I went back to my unhealthy habits I was able to learn from my last emotional trigger, and learn so that I did not have to be so emotionally vulnerable next time.

The recovery program helps us become more healed, to become healthier, to become more productive, more patient and tolerant with myself.

The recovery program helps me help myself, to trust my own instincts, 

To have more intimate times with myself and with other people.

Being in my recovery I would be able to cry and heal my hurt inner child.

Why would I be so reluctant to admit I was hurting myself, why would I be so reluctant to learn to trust myself.

The only person that stopped me from taking my recovery seriously was myself.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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