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Hi everyone!
#1
Hi, I'm very new here, so please bare with me if this is all wrong.  I was an online gambling up until last September, I would gamble away my wages and more often than not spend my rent money (bearing in mind I have a wife and four children) my wife finally caught me and I promised I would never do it again. However,  in July I had a relapse and gambed £xx online, which might not seem a lot,  but again I was found out (only 2 days ago) and now my relationship is on  knife-edge. I thought it was only a relapse, but then I've realised. I like a drink ( another issue i have to deal with) and when I go out I would play the fruit machine and have done all the way through and it would be every time I go out. So my addiction hasn't gone anywhere I've just moved to a different aspect. I do enjoy Gambling,  but its ruining everything I have and I need to stop.
I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. I just wanted to get it out there and hopefully there's some advice here that will me? 
Many thanks
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#2
(15-09-2021, 07:38 PM)Mart1n82 Wrote: Hi, I'm very new here, so please bare with me if this is all wrong.  I was an online gambling up until last September, I would gamble away my wages and more often than not spend my rent money (bearing in mind I have a wife and four children) my wife finally caught me and I promised I would never do it again. However,  in July I had a relapse and gambed £xx online, which might not seem a lot,  but again I was found out (only 2 days ago) and now my relationship is on  knife-edge. I thought it was only a relapse, but then I've realised. I like a drink ( another issue i have to deal with) and when I go out I would play the fruit machine and have done all the way through and it would be every time I go out. So my addiction hasn't gone anywhere I've just moved to a different aspect. I do enjoy Gambling,  but its ruining everything I have and I need to stop.
I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. I just wanted to get it out there and hopefully there's some advice here that will me? 
Many thanks

Hi

Thank you for sharing your pain and experiences with us.

The addictions and obsessions were my way of escaping when I could not cope emotionally.

I use to think that if I could get the money back that some how it would repair and heal the pains I had caused my family.

In my recovery, by the way I am a non religious person, I would  that nearly every time I gambled I made things much worse.

Money was never going to heal the pans I caused other people.

No matter how many times I made promises while in action very rarely did I keep my promises.

In the recovery program I found that in time moneys I owed would be paid back.

Worrying about money lost never got the money back.

It took a long time to make the rooms of recovery a place I felt comfortable with.

Yet as the therapies got more honest I got more from why I gambled.

My anger indicated that my hurt inner child had never healed, that causing pains on pains made thing much worse for myself.

If I had not learned to be selfish about my recovery and going to meetings when I did not feel like it, when  it rained.

Every pain in my life caused trauma in me and caused fears in me that I did not understand.

In time I would understand what was healthy for me and what was unhealthy for me.

In time I got to share one to one with people in recovery.

It was suggested to me that it would be wiser to make a call before I went to gambling as a way of escape.

On going to meetings I found that my leg use to twitch when I crossed my legs, I even thought that it was normal.

Sadly it was due very painful pains in my past.

In time I would write down my thoughts and my feelings.

I would learn that recovery was a very slow process, that I use to view the beginning of my recovery as a day based program best explained as being baby steps.

I would learn to value myself, I would learn to share myself more, I would learn to not beat myself up.

If there were not GA Meetings where I was I use to go to AA meetings, most of them were very friendly and helpful.

I have lost count of the number of times where after meetings I would sit with a complete stranger and share for 2 - 3 hours and not think it was very long at all.

The recovery program was going to help me help myself become less vulnerable and reduce my fears.

There were light bulb moments where some thing had been said to me many times and I did not get it, then one day I would Understand, it was not about text or words but a deep understanding and awareness in myself.

There was a time I thought I would be happy just abstaining, today I understand that only by me abstaining from causing myself and others pains, once I reduce the pains I was causing myself could the pains of my past be healed.

For me the addictions and the obsessions were the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

What time and effort I put in to working the recovery program was self rewarding.

Well please stick with your recovery and in time you will not only be pleased with how you feel, in time pride will indicate you have become spirtually healthy.

Love peace and strength in your recovery.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham
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#3
Hello


Welcome to GA forum, and thank you for your contribution
I used to think I enjoyed gambling, but in reality it was destroying my life. For 16 years It controlled me, it was my master. That was until I went to a GA meeting and that's when my journey to recovery started. 

I went to a GA meeting where I found I could vent out my feeling there, and also listen to other people sharing their stories of how bad gambling affected their personal lives, and the great recovery stories.

I found filling the void that gambling left with more positive pastimes, such as my motorbike, gym, and video games was a great help for myself. 
Asking someone I could trust to take control of my finances to limit the loss in the early days was also useful. There is software you can put on your computer or phone that blocks gambling sites, there are bank accounts that can stop gambling transactions.

There is the Orange book you can also read on the GA website, that will answer a lot of questions you may need to want answers too.

Please feel free to keep posting, it's great to hear from all the members on their journey through recovery.

In unity
Martin
My name is Martin, I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was 29.9.2017. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
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