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There is nothing healthy about living in the past, recovery is a healing process
#1
Hi

I did not know what to expect by going to meetings, I went first of all for my family, in time I went to meetings because I wanted to.

The spiritual recovery program raised more questions than answers, yet only once I moved on from living in the past could I get focused on today.

There is nothing healthy about living in the past, only once I started to heal my pains could I live a much healthier life today.

Every fear that I had on going in to the meetings would be understood and resolved and as my fears reduced my trust grew, I started to trust myself and then I started to trust other people.

There is mention that people who are addicts are selfish people, for me not so, I was self destructive not selfish.

One can say that because I did not care about myself the addictions the drink the smoking and even beating myself up was not healthy.

The addictions and obsessions were only the symptoms that I was an emotionally vulnerable person, in time I understood the fact my anger indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.

No matter what happens I understand that by going back to my addictions obsessions I simply made things much worse.

The highs of my addiction of gambling were very much adrenaline based, I use to think that risk taking was happiness, not so.

I am a non religious person yet I understand that my conscience is spiritually based, that when I dump on to other people I am in effect hurting myself.

Guilt shame regret all words that indicate deep down I do have a conscience and by working my recovery I listen to my own conscience.

Every lie I tell I am hurting myself, by justifying myself I am not being healthy, I was to busy, did not have enough time, when I try to justify myself I am in effect heating myself.

I asked my wife what love was, she told me it was giving of myself unconditionally, no expectations, giving of myself with out expecting nothing ibn return.

I use to think that by paying back the money would make good the betrayal I had done to people, the lies would be resolved, not so money and pain have no connection what so ever, money gives us more choices, money did not heal or resolve to my deep seated pains and suffering.

There is nothing healthy about us beating our self up, nothing healthy about us calling our self names, with healing comes nurturing and empathy, to understand we can not change the past.

I am unable to heal other people yet I am able to be more nurturing healing towards myself, the healing process did not happen over night.

Yet the healing process could not happen all the time I was involved or consumed with unhealthy addictions of obsessions.

Only once I loved myself could I love other people, only once I respected myself could I respect other people, only once I was tolerant and patient with myself could I be tolerant and patient with other people, only once I was honest with myself could I be honest with other people.

The more fears I faced the less fear I lived in.

My fears and trust issues were very much linked together.

Yet at what point did I have  the light bulb moment, that the text reading changed from text to understanding, at what point was I empowered by the interactions and my sharing and therapies.

At what did I understand my hurt inner child needed to heal and move on from the past, it was important to learn from my past and not live in it.

Do my family fear me today, do family trust me today, do family feel my sincerity today today, can my family say any thing to me today with out living in fear of my reacting in unhealthy ways today.

How much do I give of myself being healthy today, do I give of myself unconditionally, do I reward myself today, do I understand clearly my needs my wants and my goals today.

In being more healthy today I feel very healthy when I have productive days, I have some thing to show for my time and efforts.

I am very pleased that I replaced our lattice work on the front porch of our home, it was hard work yet very much worth while.

The simple sad fact that I wasted a lot of time and energy in being a very unhealthy person.

In looking back I do question why did it take me so long to understand how unhealthy I use to be.

And then to get my ass in to gear and get motivated in my recovery and healing process.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Aka Dave of Beckenham
Reply
#2
(26-10-2021, 11:24 AM)gadaveuk Wrote: Hi

I did not know what to expect by going to meetings, I went first of all for my family, in time I went to meetings because I wanted to.

The spiritual recovery program raised more questions than answers, yet only once I moved on from living in the past could I get focused on today.

There is nothing healthy about living in the past, only once I started to heal my pains could I live a much healthier life today.

Every fear that I had on going in to the meetings would be understood and resolved and as my fears reduced my trust grew, I started to trust myself and then I started to trust other people.

There is mention that people who are addicts are selfish people, for me not so, I was self destructive not selfish.

One can say that because I did not care about myself the addictions the drink the smoking and even beating myself up was not healthy.

The addictions and obsessions were only the symptoms that I was an emotionally vulnerable person, in time I understood the fact my anger indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.

No matter what happens I understand that by going back to my addictions obsessions I simply made things much worse.

The highs of my addiction of gambling were very much adrenaline based, I use to think that risk taking was happiness, not so.

I am a non religious person yet I understand that my conscience is spiritually based, that when I dump on to other people I am in effect hurting myself.

Guilt shame regret all words that indicate deep down I do have a conscience and by working my recovery I listen to my own conscience.

Every lie I tell I am hurting myself, by justifying myself I am not being healthy, I was to busy, did not have enough time, when I try to justify myself I am in effect heating myself.

I asked my wife what love was, she told me it was giving of myself unconditionally, no expectations, giving of myself with out expecting nothing ibn return.

I use to think that by paying back the money would make good the betrayal I had done to people, the lies would be resolved, not so money and pain have no connection what so ever, money gives us more choices, money did not heal or resolve to my deep seated pains and suffering.

There is nothing healthy about us beating our self up, nothing healthy about us calling our self names, with healing comes nurturing and empathy, to understand we can not change the past.

I am unable to heal other people yet I am able to be more nurturing healing towards myself, the healing process did not happen over night.

Yet the healing process could not happen all the time I was involved or consumed with unhealthy addictions of obsessions.

Only once I loved myself could I love other people, only once I respected myself could I respect other people, only once I was tolerant and patient with myself could I be tolerant and patient with other people, only once I was honest with myself could I be honest with other people.

The more fears I faced the less fear I lived in.

My fears and trust issues were very much linked together.

Yet at what point did I have  the light bulb moment, that the text reading changed from text to understanding, at what point was I empowered by the interactions and my sharing and therapies.

At what did I understand my hurt inner child needed to heal and move on from the past, it was important to learn from my past and not live in it.

Do my family fear me today, do family trust me today, do family feel my sincerity today today, can my family say any thing to me today with out living in fear of my reacting in unhealthy ways today.

How much do I give of myself being healthy today, do I give of myself unconditionally, do I reward myself today, do I understand clearly my needs my wants and my goals today.

In being more healthy today I feel very healthy when I have productive days, I have some thing to show for my time and efforts.

I am very pleased that I replaced our lattice work on the front porch of our home, it was hard work yet very much worth while.

The simple sad fact that I wasted a lot of time and energy in being a very unhealthy person.

In looking back I do question why did it take me so long to understand how unhealthy I use to be.

And then to get my ass in to gear and get motivated in my recovery and healing process.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Aka Dave of Beckenham
Hi

My addictions and my obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

My addictions and my obsessions was a way of me escaping my feelings and my emotions, in time I would abstain from my addictions an my obsessions 
yet would not understand that it was unhealthy for me to live in my fears.

My fears were a consequence of unhealed pains of my past.

My fears came in many forms anxiety stress procrastination just feeling emotionally vulnerable indicated that I would not be able to have a voice to express myself in healthy ways.

In time we start to understand our emotional triggers, pains not healed, fears not faced, frustrations due to unreasonable expectations, loneliness and boredom. In recovery we give up self abuse.

 I like many people will learn in time that Recovery is a slow healing process, that being consumed by addictions and obsessions is unhealthy.

In sharing our therapies we learn to see and feel our self in other people, what is healthy and what is unhealthy. This decision becomes our daily choice.

We learn to process the events in my life in healthier ways.

How could it be that in my therapies I would be able to talk about things that I could not share with m family and wife.

In time I would over come my fears of emotional intimacy, I would be more honest with myself.

Sadly the recovery program will raise more questions than answers, yet there comes a moment when we get the light buld moment we get it, we start  the text the quotes we start to understand.

There was a time I use to think that gambling was fun, that driving in risky ways was fun and exciting.

Sadly my addictions and my obsessions were unhealthy for me, the gambling establishments never hurt me or caused me pains, I did it to myself.

 I use to think that if I had lots of money I would be happy, that was not so money was never going to give me emotional resolve, it was never going to heal my hurt inner, money was never going to give me inner freedom or peace of mind.

I spent most of my life living in fear of the dentist, today I went to my dentist and they cleaned my teeth, 

 there is a filling I need and yet I felt free of fear of getting it done.

I have reached a point where I can put my head phones on and relax, at one time I use to grab hold of the handles and felt fear and panic with in me.

What are the most important things in my life today, time and healthy relationships, yet I was willing to put every thing at risk at one time.

I tend to get more things done as I get older, I tend to push my body to far each day.

The question is did I fulfill my needs and wants today, did I get nearer to getting goals done today.

Can I compliment myself and others today, have I given up calling myself unhealthy names.

The fact I felt guilty for doing and saying unhealthy things in my life indicates to me that I have a healthy conscience, when I go against my own conscience I hurt myself.

If I continue to live in guilt I am not healing my pains, in the recovery program I would learn to heal my pains, only when I had empathy for myself cold I have true empathy for other people.

The recovery program is about healing our pains, healing the hurt inner child in me.

If I am not able to acknowledge the pains of my past am I able to heal that hurt inner child in me.

Today I have the choice to learn from my past, yet not live in it.

I am a non religious person, yet I am becoming a much healthier spiritual person.

When I was able to laugh at myself I was healing from my past.

How much more am I willing to do to become even healthier tomorrow.

Love peace and serenity to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
Reply


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