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No matter when our last bet was keep going to meetings they are our life savers.

I have forgotten the times I went back to Gambling yet it was important to understand what my last emotional trigger was.

Clean time can not be lost, that is a simple fact, sadly when I gambled I got in to the unhealthy habit of beating myself up.

For me the recovery was a healing process of my pains from my past.

I now understand that recovery and healing can not take place if all I do is cause myself more pains and an type.

What I needed in my recovery was nurturing and encouragement, self abuse is very unhealthy for me.

The wording surrender was often used in the recovery program, yet what is surrender, does it mean give up on your self. No not at all.

Can I become healthier if I set my mind to it, yes but the choice is mine.

Hearing of peoples success I saw and felt myself in them, by going to meeting we see and feel the change how people feel about them self and their families.

In the therapies I was not only able to open up more but learn more and more about myself.

I have lost count of the number of time I came out of meetings where I had more questions than answers and low and behold would meet with other people and we would talk for hours and feel a better of our recovery.

I have been to meetings in England Canada and America and understand pain is pain no matter where you go and people recovery varied and with different meetings you found a better understanding of recovery than at other locations.

There were meetings in the UK where people got honest far more quickly, and often the strength of the therapies was based on people having less fear in them.

I have been in recovery some time and each day I am willing to learn more about myself and to live a much healthier life being at peace with myself.

The quality of my relationship with myself and all other people is based on me being more and more fearless. 

The less fear in me gives me more rust.

Writing down was very difficult for me, the fear of being was very high, in time my writings expose more of the pains of my past.

I did inventory of my body broken bones cuts with a knife cuts with a broken bottle, yet sadly all of that was not as painful as the emotional scars which were the deepest.

I then understood every thing had been done to me that could have been done and that today I understand that I am a survivor, not only am I healing from ost of the scars but my hurt inner child can come and play today.

The more awareness of myself and I was able to have empathy for others and also able to see and feel the pains and fears my parents lived in.

Sadly guilt shame regret resentments indicates pains were not being healed,

It was easy for me to forgive others, sadly they could not heal their own pains. Very sad and very unhealthy. 

By not asking myself which is the biggest fear in my life I was not able to deal with it and face it head on.

Once I was to understand biggest fear in my life I was accept the very worst that could happen and that fear would reduce to single numbers.

The reason to face the biggest fear in my life first, meant that once I deal with my number one fear, every fear after that would be easier and simpler.

How healthy and empowering is that.

Then the awareness of how much fear inhibited me from living my life to the full every day.

I was not able to love completely living in so much fear. 

I was not able to love completely living in so much mistrust. 

How much do I want my life to get healthier today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

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