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My husband is a gambler - HELP!
#5
Hi,

I am a compulsive gambler and have been all my life and will be for the rest of my life. I am currently in recovery and I had my last gamble on the 21st October, 2008. Today the thought of gambling never enters my head. This is a miracle as at one time my whole life revolved around gambling. Your husband going to GA is a start but there is a lot of work to do. To begin, he has to honestly admit he is powerless over gambling. If he doesn't do this, gambling will always have power over him. You cannot make him get well, it is up to him.

I put my wife and my daughter through hell, a mental torture. Most gamblers are extremely secretive and like your husband I did my gambling without my wife's knowledge. It wasn't until I had backed myself in to a corner and had no where else to turn (credit had run dry) that I came clean. This was about 8 years ago and resulting in a 2nd mortgage. The thing that hurt my wife more than anything was the secret life I was leading and like you she lost trust in me.

At that time we took some practical steps that I was more tan happy to do;

1. We got a joint bank account and my wife held my bank card (I no longer had any credit cards). If I needed money for anything we would get it out. I would get hold of a card only if it was the last resort (going away on business).
2. I took my name off the deeds of the house. I loved my wife and daughter and although I had gambled all this money without a care for anyone, I did not want them to be homeless. This sort of went some way towards guaranteeing that. If I went on a gambling spree then the creditors could not take the house.
3. My wife opens every piece of mail that comes through our door. She still does.

I returned to meetings but never fully conceded to the illness and never fully committed to the recovery program. What happened? I gambled again. Although I hadn't gambled for a while I still had untreated gambling, as the illness is in the head not in the action of laying the bet. (Might be a bit heavy this but I am just sharing my honesty, experience and strength with you).

This was my rock bottom after nearly 30 years of struggling I was on the verge of suicide. I ended up in the river, noose round my neck but survived and went back this time knowing I had to try the program of recovery. I have thrown myself into my recovery and I am reaping the benefits. If I can do it anyone can. I am probably what you call a lost cause but in reality everyone has opportunities to live a life that is joyous and free, if only we take what is on offer.

My wife attended Gam-Anon for a while and it really helped her. She no longer attends and I don't push her to ask why.

You need help and support yourself. Try and get to a Gam-anon meeting or a counsellor or your Doctor but ideally Gam-anon as in all probability you are not well. We compulsive gamblers make people very sick. It's not done on purpose it's just what happens. Gam-Anon is a fellowship of loved ones of compulsive gamblers. They will provide you with some practical advice and support. They do not bite except may be their partners!

I don't want to frighten you but this is a serious psychological illness that results in death

We are not dealing with a moral issue here, we are dealing with an illness and unless treated on a daily basis, the gambler puts him/herself at risk and people around him/her at risk. First and foremost you have to protect yourself and your young children and then support your husband if he is making an effort. If he is not prepared to help himself there is very little you can do, after all you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.

He has made a start and every journey has a beginning.

I hope you have got something from this and I hope and pray your husband takes the solution that is offered freely to him. It does work as long as we follow a few simple guidelines.

Take care,

M
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Messages In This Thread
My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by nat - 11-02-2010, 06:15 AM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 14-02-2010, 02:13 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 15-02-2010, 04:35 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by nat - 07-03-2010, 08:08 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by MAM2CAT - 29-03-2010, 07:02 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 31-03-2010, 09:26 AM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by caz1979 - 09-04-2010, 07:32 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 19-04-2010, 07:52 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 20-04-2010, 01:47 AM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by kat - 22-05-2010, 05:38 AM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 23-05-2010, 09:48 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by kittie - 04-08-2010, 10:55 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by osciejames - 07-08-2010, 08:18 AM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by lisadespairing - 12-08-2010, 02:32 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Sarah - 12-08-2010, 07:58 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by marie - 24-08-2010, 10:57 AM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 01-09-2010, 10:42 AM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 16-09-2010, 12:37 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by DEVOTEDWIFE - 18-09-2010, 06:29 PM
Re: My usband is a gambler - HELP! - by Guest - 25-09-2010, 03:14 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by windy - 01-10-2010, 12:21 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by justme - 03-10-2010, 06:44 AM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by sv - 09-03-2011, 12:41 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Winnie - 09-03-2011, 05:38 PM
Re: My husband is a gambler - HELP! - by Barrieexgambler - 10-03-2011, 11:27 AM

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