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Hi everyone, i have just found this site today as i am at my lowest ever an need someone to talk too. i am married with two small children, i am at home with them at the moment as i am looking for work after my materntiy leave. i have gambled on/off for years, nothing big just small bets online, recently i have gambled more and with our overdraft and whatever money is left in my account is gone, have also borrowed my mums money and its gone too, thinking i would win the next time, but that never came. I really hate myself just now, so much for what i am doing to my family! I can't believe that i can do it, when i am doing it i just cant help myslef, i dont htink of the consequences at the time. My husbands knows nothing of this, i have covered up everything that i have done, i also have credit cards which he doesnt know about as i have tried to take the pressure of him as he works long days and is supporting us all. I have spent all of our savings, overdraft which he will find out about when he checks the phonebanking in the next few days, its only matter of time, normally i ahve won by now and that covers it, but i ahvent and have no money left to gamble, if i did i would still!!!!!!! i know he will leave as he has major issues regarding money, he will not understand what i have done. I really dont know what to say, i dont sleep, i dont eat, i am a nervous wreck and its all brought upon by myself.
Hi Fiona, That's what us compulsive gamblers do, chase our losses and then chase those losses and on it goes. You have an illness called compulsive gambling and the good news is that it's treatable but only if you admit that you have a problem and are willing to do anything to overcome it. The GA meetings are listed on here and hopefully there is one near you. Unfortunately when our partners/husbands find out sometimes it's too late and they find it very hard to understand how someone could do the things that we do/have done to get money for our next fix. That is why the GA programme works because it's a room full of people who have been where you are at present and with the twelve steps have over come their compulsion to gamble.
I send you wishes and hope you get the help you need.
Hi Fiona
I have alot of sympathy for you, but before you start on the credit cards please, please do the hardest thing and tell your husband. I was in your situation and i had to tell my wife, believe me it was the hardest thing to do at the time, i was very very scared, i was very nervous, i was panicking but i did it and told her everything, overdraft at the limit, daughters building society account spent plus loads loads more historical money down the drain. It was the hardest but in alot of ways the most uplifting thing i have done, the feeling of relief is impossible to explain, like being on drugs i guess. My wife stuck by me and your husband will stick by you if he loves you, please come clean, be honest and you are well on your way to giving it up.....the very best of luck,...Dave
thanks for listening to me. I still havent told my husband yet, but i will, i can imagine what the relief feels like, i dont normally lie and do things like this, so i am not handling it well, i end up going from one lie to another and i dont feel what is real now! i sat down with my mum and dad and told them everything, the disappointment in them was unbearable but they want to help me, and i have promised i wont go back on the sites again, i really want to keep that promise, but i am finding it hard as i want to win back what i have lost so much, i havent been on since i posted on here. its weird i dont think of me being a gambler and having a problem. I know that the first step. i get so desperate i need to get money to bet.....i dont know how to tell my husband, i will need to think about it! thanks guys for your advice and just for hearing me out

fiona x
its me again, i hope you have told him, please tell me you have as that is the only way forward. Honesty has been my salvation, 6 months ago i was the biggest liar i know, now i am the most honest person i know. Listen if i can do it you can. I was gambling for many years when i "came clean" my wife was really really angry, violent in fact , but once the dust settled she stood and continues to stand by me. I love goingto GA meetings they are part of my weekly routine and once you are honest you can start attending meetings and doing something about this addiction that plagues us all. The very best of luck, come on lets look forward, what has happened has happened brave, thinking of you.. dave
thanks dave, but i still haven't spoke to my husband, my mum and dad have helped me financially, which i feel terrible for saying this but, i have blown it also trying to win back more to cover up what i have spent. i promised them that i wouldnt gamble again and they will not understand either now!! i feel sick thinking about it, i hav bills due with no money to pay them and my husband is going to find out and i am just putting it off i know, but honestly i dont know how he is going to deal with this, this will tear him to bits, especially the lies and deceit, i dont know who i am anymorre, i dont even know if i want to, i feel as if i am floating watching my life happen, but not actually there, in a weird sense. Anyway it's up to me to be brave, and try and do the right thing i suppose,

thanks again for your advice
fiona x
Hi again Fiona
I am sad that you have not yet found the courage, please discuss again with your parents, update them on how your situation is getting worse. Can you get a night out and go to your local meeting, make an excuse , you need some support from somewhere to give you some strength. I know exactly your situation as i could not tell my wife for ages, kept putting it off, thinking i could bet my way out of trouble, stakes got bigger, problem got worse quicker etc but eventually i had no choice and thinking back its the best thing i have ever done in my whole life. I can now be a happy man until the day i die, look Fiona please believe me, have a little faith there is light at the end of the tunnel, you too can have a bet free happy future, courage girl!! come on!! I am with you in spirit.
hi dave and everyone else.
Needless to say i still havent come clean, i have managed to juggle bills, money and at the same time still betting. I can't help it, i want to stop, but i also want to win, i dont go on to have fun thats the last thing i am wanting. The way i bet is only on-line as i can get away with that, i was feeling desperate for a while, i won also which has helped slightly. i keep saying that if i can just sort out my finances, bills then i would stop. The lies have gotten worse, my mum and dad think i hav stopped before it got to serious. Noone would undestand what i do, other than on here, my friends, family hav no idea, especially my husband. i know its a matter of time, and dave i hav tried but we got on the subject of gambling, addictions with friends one nite and he said he couldnt understand anyone that could do that, so i hav kept it too myself and it is eating away at me, physically i have lost over a stone in weight, my husband has noticed but thinks i am starving myself to get thin, little does he know its due to stress of money, lies, worry. God i sound so pathetic i know, there isnt any ga nearby and i hav two small children so not easy at nites, on-line would be better for me.
Right now i am going through all my bills, debt trying to sort them out, but it always comes back to my only way out is to win some money!!!
Hi Fiona,

Please believe that the one win that will sort everything out doesn't usually come and if it does it will not be enough to stop you. You will still have an addiction. I am compulsive gambler and I have recently admitted everything to my partner for a second time. This time I was sure he would leave but although he doesn't understand what I have done, he just wants to help me. The first time I gambled I had the big win to set myself straight. Of course I wanted that plus a little more for myself. I lost it all. This cycle will continue until you own up, come clean and get help. Doing this will be the hardest thing you have to do but the relief from the stress and lies is worth it. Try contacting Gamcare as they provide online counseling.

My partner was not upset about the money, it was the lies and the fact I didn't feel I could speak to him about this that hurt him the most. The sooner you come clean the better, before he finds out another way.

Good luck Fiona.
Hi fiona1

Have been reading your story today. Yes it is an all too familiar tale. Compulsive gamblers will always chase the big win. When they win, they will chase an even bigger win...& lose the lot <!-- sSad --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt="Sad" title="Sad" /><!-- sSad -->

I do believe that you would like to stop. What I don't believe is that you are at the stage where you WANT and/or NEED to stop. You have to REALLY want to stop...

Famous quote ..."you don't realise what you had until it's gone'.... That is so true. Don't lose your family because of this addiction. Many people have. Only then do they "wake up".
Then it's too late. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: -->

I also agree with such-a-loser, contact GAMCARE. They have online, telephone. This is a teriible addiction to beat by yourself. Try all avenues that you can to get the support you will need.

Best wishes

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