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Time for change
Good morning all who visit this site.

I have woke up this morning & whilst I have some financial difficulties like most people I am not yet in total dissaray, hoever yesterday I was out with friends and was betting as usual & playing the machine in the betting shop, up & down, up & down, up & down but eventually a wee bit in front by 9.30 when they shut. Great I thought I've managed to get through today without losing it all for a change.... WRONG!!!!!

Of course the casino doesnt close at 9.30 and by 11.00 I found myself in there and quickly lost the lot <!-- sSad --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt="Sad" title="Sad" /><!-- sSad --> (although I did manage to keep my taxi fare amazingly enough)......

However I realise that I cant go on like this anymore and whilst betting used to be a fun passtime, that stupid little white ball has got me very badly and I'm so close to ruining everything in my othewise pretty god life...

I realise now that as far as that game is concerned I have no control over myself and the only way to deal with it is to stop gambling all together, lock, stock the lot....

Realising this has given me great hope today for a new dawn in a life free of worry and the violent swings in mood and lifestyle my current behaviour brings on me & my family.

I have known my problem for long enough but like so many I believed that I could master it, learn discipline & be good at it.... WRONG AGAIN!!!..... Today I am prepared to admit I am a compulsive gambler & I need help & support to conquer this demon, starting today for now & always.

Amazingly my only problem today is I still have 2 betting slips in my wallet which are winners but I have spoken to my wife who is a total star but is mostly just happy that I am wanting to change so the plan is that she (& she hates betting shops) will go and collect the money and take the kids & buy them somethig nice (for a change) because if I go in and collect it I fear I will simply fall at the first hurdle.

I'm not going to let myself be down anymore, no more worried sleepless nights, no more worrying if thats a creditor on the other end of the phone, no more lies, no more deciet, just hope and srength to beat this once & for all.

I am going to visit here regularly and going to find a meeting so I can get the help and support of people just like me nd I hope give them some back.

I'm so optimistic, I'm going to get out on my terms, not its terms & with the right mindset & support I hope I can make it, I have no illusions that a long rocky road awaits me but I'm looking onward and upward from today, what's done is done and we can't change our past but we can shape our future.

So I wish me, you and everyone who faces these challenges the very best and I will pray to god for him to guide me and give me the opportunity to stop gambling (he cant make me stop, only I can do that) & I will pray that I have the courage & will to take that opportunity for now & for always.

Thanks for reading....

Ohhhh & before I go....

My name is William and I am a compulsive gambler & just for today I will not gamble.

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