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Hi...Ive just found out that my husband has started gambling again after promising me he had stopped. I found out three years ago and discovered he had re mortgaged the house three times to cover his debts. The house is in his name so I had no idea. He promised me last year he would stop as he felt so ashamed about what he had done. I then discovered I had breast cancer and have gone through 7 months of hell. Finally finished my treatment yesterday and discovered he had started gambling again in January. I open his bank statements and this is how I found out. I confronted him last night and he didnt really have an answer for why he had started again. He then started to get angry and stormed out of the house. He is still not speaking to me today. He is making me feel it is my fault. I originally took his bank card off him and I know he doesnt use his credit cards. They are all up to their max anyway, but I gave him his card back as he seemed to have stopped. I feel like his problem is now my problem and I am responsible for it now. Can anyone give me some advice please as I dont know what to do next. I have thought of telling his mum and dad because they have no idea. We have kept it from them.
Hi paris

You have to look after yourself...That is Number ONE !!!! Having finished your cancer treatment, you will still have to work thru your recovery. Look after yourself !!! <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="Big Grin" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

No CG likes to be confronted. We are like kids who have been caught with our hand in the biscuit barrel. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> We also do not know why we do it. We just have to! It is an addiction <!-- sSad --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt="Sad" title="Sad" /><!-- sSad -->

Having said that, do not fall for the "guilt" trip. We will blame anyone/anything for our gambling problems...until we admit to ourselves we have a problem AND we want to fix it.
You are NOT to blame. <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="Big Grin" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

The key is that he has to fix himself. He has to WANT to fix it. If he does not want to stop, he wont. You can certainly help him with his recovery if he wants to stop, but he has to do the work.

In the meantime I would suggest you take control of the finances (if he is agreeable to that).
At least make sure the necesssary bills are being paid.

Remember, YOU are the most important person, look after yourself.

Best wishes
Hi Paris

Your an angel - you are an amazing woman, and dont let him bring you down. All gamblers pass on the problem to those close to them, they dont mean too, they just cant handle what they do, they have to blame those close to them for being an addict, a gambler, whatever. DONT let him bring you down. You have given him support, brilliant, you have been there for him. NOW look after number one. You have given him chances, you have supported him, you must please now look after yourself. It is going to have to be radical to stop this now - you must take full control of the finances - credit cards? be sure, gamblers are very clever at hiding what they do - be sure about credit cards, be sure he hasnt got anymore on the go. You must try and get him to talk, if not Paris, please, do what it takes to care for you. Make him leave if neccessary, but please dont let him bring you down to rock bottom - you are not the one in the wrong.

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