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Hi I am tom, a student in my final year and I have just found out that my partner of 21 months has been gambling on-line with my student loan money. I have nothing left. I am so angry and hurt as I didn't realise the extent of his love for poker. I feel so stupid at the fact I never realised just how out of control things have become for him to steal the very little money I had left to support me through university.
what do I do???
I have been advised from my bank to prosecute but I am not sure that I think that's the right way to go about it.
but that's the only way I am going to get the money back.
He says he is sorry and that he will repay every penny, but I can't believe a word he says any more.
He has admitted he has a problem but I don't think he is willing to do anything about it. what types of treatment are there for this kind of addiction???? I have lost all trust for him after the constant lying. After nearly two years its hard to walk away.

can any one advise me please as I am lost and don't know what to do.
Hi tomtomwill

I would suggest you first sit down & talk to him. Can he get a loan to pay you back?

If he can do that then you can finish your studies.

Then you have to limit his access to money, especially yours. If he gets in trouble again, do NOT bail him out! He has to pay his own way.

If he has admitted he has a problem, what is he doing about addressing it? We compulsive gamblers are very good liars. You are right to say that you don't trust him. He has to earn back the trust that he has lost. Has he attended GA? Has he seen a counsellor?

If he wants to stop gambling he can. It is hard to stop (like any addiction) but it can be done.
He has to WANT to stop though. Otherwise he is on a downward spiral. Simple fact...sorry.

Best wishes
thank you for replying to my message, after 99 views your the only one!!!

any how yes he seems to want to get help, in order to prove to me he can earn eventually earn my trust back.
i love him and need him to get 'better' .
he has attended 2 GA meetings so far, i however have moved back home from uni for 2 weeks to clear my head!
i also recently heard of gam-anon meetings relatives and friends of gamblers can attend. how useful are these?? should i go?? if i do go do i go with him?

ALSO after speaking to him this evening after his second meeting i was wondering just how well these GA meeting will work, i don't see how talking to people twice a week will help him, never gamble again! or quit with the lies!!!
does he need to see a counsellor as well? and if so how much do counselling sessions cost?

thank you for help so far Roy, if you could answer more of my questions i'd be forever grateful!
Hi tomtomwill

Sorry about the number of replies. Often people in your situation come to the forum to view other peoples posts and get some ideas for themselves rather than offer suggestions. Sometimes people are loath to offer suggestions because we are all amateurs at this. As I have stated on other forums, I am a compulsive gambler trying to help. I am certainly no expert.

GAMANON meetings are run by relatives/friends of compulsive gamblers, and are attended by relatives/friends. They can offer you an insight into the world of the gambler from their point of view. Because I am a gambler, even though I can try to see things from your side I can't. We are on opposite sides of the fence so to speak. So bottom line is that YES GAMANON would definately help you understand what is happening, and how/what you should/can do. Remembering that these people will have a lot of experience and empathy with you, because they are or have been in your situation. The gambler (your partner) does NOT attend this meeting.

The GA meetings will NOT make him stop gambling. If he WANTS to stop gambling, GA is a proven aid to do just that. The program reveolves around 'the twelve step' principle, same as alcoholics anonymous. It is something the gambler has to work at. No magical cure. The first step is to admit that 'we are powerless over gambling'. Sounds easy doesn't it? It is often the hardest step of the twelve to do however. we have to understand thet we cannot bet on anything! Not even the toss of a coin. Why? Because then the urge might start again.
The meetings as I have said are an aid. I think of mine as my weekly dose of medicine.We talk about our problems. We offer support and solutions. And the most important thing is probably that we know that we are not alone in our battle to beat this addiction. There is nothing worse than trying to beat something like this without support.

The lies and betrayed trust are often the bitterest pill to swallow. We all did it. We lied, cheated, stole etc. Some of us have even gone to gaol because of what we have done to finance our gambling. In attending GA we are reinventing ourselves. We learn to tell the truth, to be honest, be openminded and be willing to learn.
Often a compulsive gambler has lied for years and years. It is very hard to break the pattern.

Counselling has helped me, but I had/have more problems. This addiction of mine led me to attempt suicide, so my brain was well and truly fried.
I am in Brisbane, Australia and as well as venturing on this forum I also visit the GAMCARE forum. It is in the UK.
They offer online or telephone counselling.

Pleased to hear he is attending GA. Keep posting and take care.
Best wishes
Good evening, tomtomwill
It seems to me that a good start has been made by you and your partner. The fact he has attended two meetings is very encouraging and indicates a willingness to stop. Don't be surprised about the few responses online. As Roy has suggested, we are not experts or counsellors so it is not appropriate for me or others to offer financial advice. You need to find other agencies which could help you with that aspect. It should not be too difficult using a search engine. The most important thing you have done, as Roy has again indicated, is find out about Gamanon. As a compulsive gambler myself it is easy for me to identify with your partner, not so easy to identify with your predicament. If you find the nearest Gamanon, you will get support from others who understand your position but who also have experienced it and come through the other side. Therefore, in summary, you must look after yourself and go to Gamanon and your partner must continue to attend GA in order to stop gambling. I hope you both can come through this.

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